5. “With great power comes great responsibility”

I forget if this was Yoga or Superman, but I know that my (adorably) nerdy pre-husband will be proud that I’m bringing this up! If you’re a comic book/sci fi ner-um, affictionado, then this won’t come under “5 Things You Don’t Know.” But look deeper and see the converse effect:

With disempowerment comes a sense of not needing to be responsible.

If you feel like something is beyond your control, there’s no responsibility for you to change it. It seems like a silly example, but I automatically think about picking at my nails. I’ve been wanting to stop for years (and no more so than when I got my gorgeous engagement ring), but it hasn’t happened. My fingers always wander to the fingers on my other hand. When someone asks why I do that, or why I haven’t stopped already, I say “I can’t help it.” As if it’s someone other than me picking at my nails!

Oh! And I think the quote is from Spiderman. Or Batman? No, I think it’s Spiderman. Either way, it’s one of those guys.

4. You take away someone’s power by assuming what is right for them.

When we tell someone our problems, aren’t we subconsciously (or consciously?) asking them to solve it for us? Well, in doing so you take away their ability to assume responsibility for it. You’re disempowering them, you disempowerer you!

Instead of giving them answers, tell them what you see. If you think it’s not what they want to hear, think of this: not showing them the truth will just make them think you accept their bad behavior.

3. There are two ways to deal with a problem: find a solution or get rid of the problem

What’s easier? Getting rid of the problem. What’s more powerful? Finding a solution.

I think I’m going to tattoo this on my face. And then show it to my girlfriends who are getting crapped on by the same (type of) guys over and over again.

2.There’s always a reward for allowing ourselves to be disempowered. Understand your reward.

It seems amazing that there could be a reward for negative behavior, but that there is. Pretty insane when you start thinking about what those rewards are. When I think about the rewards for picking at my nails, I think of……..hmmmm, is there a reward? Anything that pops into my head is not a good one. Then why am I doing it?

1. Power is perception. It doesn’t really exist.

Did you just get the chills like I did when I first heard that? If not, stop and read it again.

OK, if you didn’t get it now then here it is bolded and in all caps:

POWER DOESN’T EXIST!

If you tell yourself “I can’t make a living being an actress” or “I can’t ever be an optimist” or “I can’t find time to paint” then all you’re doing is taking power away from yourself. The way to bring it back is to turn it on it’s head. Make the “can’t” into “will”: “I will make a living being an actress”; “I will be an optimist”; “I will find time to paint” - and then ask “how?” Just saying it isn’t enough - you need to flesh out a plan to get you there*.

*insert shameless plug for my coaching services here

P.S. It’s Spiderman: