“I Make My Own Rules,” by Jess Gonacha Swift
The biggest thing I learned when I pounded the pavement as an actor was, well, me – my uniquity, my spark, what makes me different & where I thrive. From those handful of post-college years, I learned that I loved (& got cast!) singing loud & funny; creating new, SNL-like characters; portraying multiple roles at once; & being quirky / enthusiastic / spunky / offbeat. Once I put those pieces together & the lightbulb went off over my head (I may or may not have shouted, “Eureka!”), I made sure to absolutely positively bring my quirky, spunky, offbeat enthusiasm into the room the first time I entered, whether it was visually with the polka-dot dress I wore (with matching headband!)& the headshot with a bright blue background or audibly with the song I sang to show that I was both funny & loud (with a killer mix/belt)! Allowing me to be me let me be secure with bringing myself into the room & put me at ease almost instantly. I’ve been able to bring that in to my coaching, & pair it with what I know makes me spark (writing, speaking, coaching, collaborating, relationship building). I’m able to look & see what is in line with my authenticity, because I know what makes me, um, me.

I have two clients I’m currently working with that are going through just that. These are vivacious, fun, enthusiastic, funny, talented, inspiring women who don’t quite believe that what they have to offer – their particular services as well as their engaging personalities – would equate to anything that anyone would pay for. These two women in particular are looking to work for themselves, but even if they were applying for jobs where someone else wrote the paycheck, they would come across the same dilemma: Buttoning themselves up, not allowing their real selves to shine through, & thinking they had to be a certain way/thing/person in order to get the job. They probably wouldn’t take the time or effort to discover where they shine & what gives them their uniquity, & having the world miss out on that makes me sad.

Whether you’re an artist launching a new Etsy shop or a writer looking for a full-time gig or an assistant looking to enter PR, being authentic is what will set you apart. Some will call it Branding, but how boring is that (& hello, what a way to bring on a case of the Shoulds!) Your uniquity is what makes you interesting. Your uniquity is what others will relate to. Your uniquity is what will get you the sales, the clients, and/or the job. Your uniquity is why people will want to work with you. Your uniquity is you.

But how do you find your uniquity? (more…)

#315 by Things We Forget

I’m taking fantabulous group coaching sessions lead by the super cute Coach Cassandra Rae called the Simply Fearless Fempreneurs. As I’m focusing more & more as to what my full-time coaching practice is gonna be like, I’m focusing more & more on having it be a values-based business. I want some clarity as to which projects/ideas/routines I have in my head are really serving/going to serve me, & what I really want to be working on. It’s funny, because there are so freakin’ many things I want to do with this business (ebooks, regular books, in person coaching, workshops, retreats, yada yada yada) it’s hard for me to prioritize ‘em & allow myself to really determine what’s most important. But that’s not the point of this question.

The point of this question comes from the first session of those group sessions, where the idea of focusing on what’s working was really driven home for me. If I can see & focus on what’s working (as opposed to what’s not working), then I can get to the quick of what’s worth looking at even further – and I can better identify the things I’m doing that I should (you know I hate that word “should”, but the context here is OK) keep doing.

So, ask yourself: (more…)

Be Nice To Yourself by laurageorge

What with the bath I finally allowed myself last week, I realized that the person that’s meanest to myself  is me. Not counting some Mean Girls at work. They suck big time. If I was as mean as them I’d have no friends. But I’m not counting them because they are so not my friends. OK, let’s rephrase: out of all of my friends, I’m the meanest to myself. So not cool of me. Do you feel the same? Like you’re your own worst enemy? Like if someone said to you what you think to yourself, you’d classify them as “a mentally ill asshole“, but since you say it to yourself it’s not only OK but valid?

Well, let’s take that Mentally Ill Asshole Vampire that lives in your head (is it comforting to know that we all have one in our own heads?) & kick him in the shins.

What aren’t you being nice to yourself about, & how you gonna start? (more…)

“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are & become it.” – Steven Pressfield

It’s the first in my monthly Rousing Reviews series! OK, it’s technically the second (I reviewed The Renaissance Soul in June of ‘09, so that totally counts, right?), but it’s the first on a consistent basis. Let’s face it, our lives sometimes get in the way, & it’s tough to sit down with a book that you know will do ya a world of good, both for yourself & your fans/readers/followers/clients. So yes, this series is absolutely a structure I set-up for myself to make me accountable to read the books that I’ve been tagging along the way. See, I life coach myself sometimes! And duh – obviously I do this for you kids, too (say it with me: “Awwwwww!”).

I wanted to start off the series with The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield because it’s really a hell of a title. What artist wouldn’t want to go into battle, break through their creative roadblocks, & emerge victorious with the Writer’s Block Vampire’s head on a stick? And while I’d like to say that that’s what this book does, I can’t. Not to say it won’t help slay that Vampire, but it’s more about discovering all the ways the Vampire’s likely to attack you & instilling yourself with the mojo to make it not only not bite you, but to get it to leave you the hell alone, at least until tomorrow.

Let me explain. The War of Art is split into three books: Resistance (Defining the Enemy) Combating Resistance (Turning Pro) & Beyond Resistance (Higher Realm). As you can tell, Resistance is the Vampire here. The long & short of it is that every single thing that causes a creative person to shelve their creativity – whether it’s perfectionism, addiction, procrastination, or the million other excuses a creative person gives themselves to not do – is a direct weapon of Resistance.  For me, Book One was eye-opening, powerful, & worth the price of the book a few times over. When I flipped the page to Book Two, I may or may not have clutched it to my chest & said to myself, “You will be beaten & dog-eared when I’m through with you.” And then I may or may not have kissed it. I couldn’t help it – hearing about all the different Vampires that get in the way of making Art, why, it was a wonder that any Art exists at all! The whole reason Resistance exists is to “shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work” & “the more call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel towards pursuing it.” How evil is that? It’s so evil that the more we discover something that’s authentically us, that’s calling us to do it, the more it attempts to stop us! That is so, so evil that I not only wanted it’s head on a stick, I wanted to chop it up into pieces & then stomp it to double death! Seriously, it pissed me off. (more…)

#313 at Things We Forget

OK, I admit it: I ditched my Me Time this weekend. There was just no time for Me to be found in my Sunday, heavy with a hangover & Things To Do. And while I know those 90 minutes would have been much-needed, I chucked them away. Even Luke said to me, “It’s your Me Time now” (I put it on my calendar, so it pops up on our computer a few minutes beforehand) & I responded, “I know. It’s just not going to happen.”

So today, on a random Tuesday, for no special occasion, I’m going to give myself that Me Time. Not that 90 minutes – that would be too tough, & too easy to let go – but something, whatever I can do. I’ll share what it’ll be in the comments & hope that you answer my tough question there, too:

What are you going to do for yourself today?

The Tiny Little Adventurous Bird by FreyaArt

Even with all the fantabulous stuff that’s been going on with me lately, I’m still feeling the agita as to whether or not I’ll “make it” as a full-time coach. So, instead of thinking of this as my Goal or My Life’s Purpose (ack! scariness!), I’ve decided to think of it as An Adventure. That frame of thinking – that my Goal isn’t the end-all-be-all-most-important-thing-of-my-life-ever – certainly keeps me focused on enjoying the journey, making sure there’s fun involved & seeing where these opportunities lead – which is what the Grown-Up (& innerpreneur) in me wants to focus on!

Join me in the comments by answering:

What’s your next adventure? (more…)

roar by jessgonacha. How I love that girl.

Do any of these exchanges sound familiar, fellow creative?

Them: “So…what do you do?”
You: “I’m an Executive Assistant.” (leaves out that you’re a certified life coach & kicks ass at it & won’t be an Executive Assistant for much longer)

or
Them:”So…what are you up to?”
You: “Uh….Well, I just opened my own shop on Etsy.”
Them:”What’s Etsy?”
You: “Oh, it’s just this online store thing….People can by my artwork….”
Them:”And you make a living from that?”
You: “Uh, well, I’m trying! I’ve sold some art and, uh, got featured on a blog and…”
Them:”Didn’t you used to be a project manager?”
You: “Uh….yeah….”
Them:”Y’know, I know someone who’s a project manager. I’ll ask if they know of any openings.”
You: “Uh…thanks..” (leaves out that you will never (ever!) go back to being a project manager & actually just sold you first piece of art in your shop)

or
Them:”Are you still performing? You always loved that!”
You: “No. I pounded the pavement for a few years, but now I perform in my husband’s show. He writes new episodes of old sitcoms – it’s neat! But yeah, other than that…” (leaves out that you miss performing in musicals & are planning on auditioning at a theater you’ve found that’s close to your new apartment)

Today, we’re slaying the vampire that comes out to play when someone asks you the question, “So…what do you do?” For a creative person who might be stuck in a dead-end job (dead-end in their heart, at least) or embarking on a new “risky” career, that question can be a cause for panic – or neck sucking. In my case, there are times that I don’t pimp myself out as a coach because I’m afraid people won’t understand what it is, or they’ll think I’m a hippy or they’ll question how I can possibly earn a living coaching. I’ve heard similar things from my clients, especially ones that leave stable, lucrative careers to pursue their creative passions. They feel dumb admitting they gave up “a sure thing” for the “nomadic” life of an artist. They fear that they’ll be judged unfairly, or not be taken seriously about their new endeavor. And above all that, they can’t see how to put this “weird” choice (to the rest of the world) in a flattering light. (more…)

Flying Girl Cuts It Away or Let Go of All That is Not Yours by Rowena Murillo (of the fab blog Warrior Girl)

I won’t lie -I’m feeling a bit of Overwhelm lately. There’s a lotta stuff on my plate – a lot of it things I want to do, which makes it tough to prioritize – and I’m starting to get a case of the Shoulds. Do you feel the same?

Then join me in asking yourself this:

What “should” do you want to let go of? (more…)

I was a super big Facebook & Twitter tease last week, where I got a whirlwind request that blew my freaking mind off. It was Great Big Excitement & yet….I wasn’t excited. OK, I was for a moment or two, & then…..stilted. Stifled. Stuffed in a closet & suffocated. So, why was I acting super cool? I wasn’t sure….but I brought out the video camera anyway to talk about it. And yes, I disclose the Great Big Excitement, which I actually learned will be live to the world this Wed, the 13th. Because of that, we relaunched my site early (a new design! online scheduling & payment! free resources! cartoon people!) & it’s live as of yesterday! With my 32nd birthday on Thursday, all this change & Great Big Excitement might give me a heart attack.

Great Big Excitment & The Vampires That Come With It from WhenIGrowUpCoach on Vimeo.

options, originally uploaded by recovering lazyholic, found via kind over matter

As creatives, we’re doubters. We doubt our talent, & our ability. We doubt that the world will receive us positively. We doubt we can support ourselves without “stability”. We doubt that what we do is “good enough”, or “unique enough” – or just plain good & unique. We worry. We take that Vampire voice, the one that whispers negative thoughts into our heads, & listen to it. We let it take away our trust, our enthusiasm, our energy & our optimism.

Why does The Negative stick, & The Positive gets thrown away? In two separate sessions with two separate clients – artists both – the theme of positivity/negativity came up, & they were eerily similar. One client realized that she can listen to compliments on a loop for 24 hours – all genuine, all different, all sincere – without any of them sinking in, while that one negative comment, “You have no voice” or “You copy other people’s work” lays on her shoulders with every piece she works on. The other client discovered that he was embarrassed to send a link to his website to family & friends, even though two of his relatives asked how they could get prints of his work. Even though he was getting positive feedback from putting his photos on his Facebook profile, his Vampire Voice was saying, ‘You’re not good enough” & “You’re not perfect” & “They’re all gonna laugh at you.”

So, why is it that we don’t allow the positive comments, the kudos & the accolades, sink in? Why does the one negative comment – or the fear of it – overshadow the 100 positive ones, or hinder our ability to move forward? When we go to paint, or set-up a shot, or perform a song, why does The Negative haunt us? Why don’t we allow ourselves to focus on the relatives that want our work hanging in their home, or on the fan emails we’ve received saying that something we’ve done meant something to someone else? Why can’t we accentuate The Positive? (more…)