When I Grow Up - The Blog

Living in the Questions

Michelle — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 06:27:41 +0000

dream by Eida Lee, found via kind over matter

Discovering what you wanna be when you grow up is a process. There are skills to identify, values to name, responsibilities to consider, questions to ask & get answered, truths to uncover, false beliefs to conquer, and tons of self-reflection to, um, reflect on. It’s no quick fix, which is why I encourage all of my career change clients to work with me for 12 sessions, or 3-4 months of coaching. For some reason, that’s the magic number for most of my clients to not only come to the conclusion of what they want their grown-up career to look like, but to have an action plan in order to make it happen.

Something happens, though, around the halfway point, where my clients develop what I like to lovingly call “The Itch”. They’ve spent almost 2 months figuring out what the pieces of their puzzle consist of, & they’re ready to see The Big Picture. The Dream Career. The Answer. The Key. The pressure is on. The stakes are heightened. They want to know, and they want to know now.

It’s about that time in the process that I annoyingly & purposely ask them to “live in the questions.” But what does that mean? How can you let yourself do that? And why haven’t I been punched in the face yet? Well, “living in the questions” is another way for me to say:

• Make sure you have the up-to-date facts & figures. One of my clients has had a love for interior design for over 10 years, yet we didn’t really discuss it as a viable option during our first 5 weeks together. When I asked why, she responded, “I can’t make any money doing that as a living.” When I asked her when she looked into interior design as a career, she responded, “About 10 years ago.” Thankfully she realized that she might be way out of touch, & agreed to humor the idea for just a week or so & see what new developments have emerged in that field.

• Leave the jadedness at the doorstep & force yourself to stop thinking, “This can never happen”, just for a week or two or three. Yup, you can even put a reminder in your calendar to “Suspend Disbelief” & then “Reinforce Disbelief”, but for the time in between, let yourself dream & really ask, “Can this really work in my life?” and “How?”

• Don’t worry – you won’t be committed. Some of my clients confess that deciding to even simply research a possible career has them expecting to be hauled away, forced to work at that career for the rest of their lives. “But I still want to explore the other options,” they’ll say, even though that’s exactly what we’re doing – exploring the options. Embrace the word “explore” & “experiment” & give yourself the space to do just that, pressure-free & without fear of jail time.

• Notice the things you keep coming back to. Many times, my clients will end up deciding on the career that’s been rattling in their heads for weeks or months or even – yes – years. For some reason, though, they’ve been discounting that option because it’s not “feasible” or “realistic” or what their parents are expecting them to do. Take the new optimistic, exploration-filled you & ask yourself why this won’t be put to rest. What is it trying to tell you, and what are you scared of?

• Listen to your gut. It’s really trying to tell you something that you brain might not want you to hear.

• Only consider the here & now. Try to forget the past & not worry about the distant future. I know it’s tough. We seem to be programmed that way, right? A lot of my clients put the pressure on to figure out The Career of All Careers For The Rest of Their Lives. No wonder they don’t want to commit to even researching anything! Nobody has a crystal ball, so just consider your next career as one that’ll satiate what you’re looking for now, or the next few years. Also, take the old voices that told you that your finger paintings weren’t any good & the current voices that are saying that you’ll never retire on a finger painter’s salary & put them to bed, too. That’s all in the past, & in the unknown future.

• Don’t rush. One of the biggest red flags a client can give me is when they come to our second or third session & declare, “I got it!” Sometimes they’ll have even accompany that declaration with the announcement, “And I just put $1,000 on a certification program to do it!” Oy vey. Usually, that ends with them fighting to get their money back a week or two later. While I don’t even want to discourage anyone from finding The Thing they’re looking for, ask yourself if this is a real, true, honest decision or one coming from desperation or fear. If you can’t tell, let it sit for a while. If it’s your true love, it’ll still be there when you feel more secure that it’s the right match for you.

I won’t lie. Living in the questions is scary. When we’ve made the statement that we’re ready to find what we’re looking for, and devote the time, energy, & emotions to solving that mystery, we want answers & we want them now. By allowing ourselves a bit of time to live in the questions, we’ll be able to live in the answer that much more fully, completely, & honestly.

So let yourself suspend that disbelief, even for a while, and give yourself the room to breathe, explore, dream, dig, be optimistic & listen to your instincts. Only then can The Big Picture take shape, The Dream Career becomes a realistic one, The Answer is shown & The Key unlocks the door you want to walk through.

Until then, live in the questions. It’s a good place to be.

This article was the main piece of juicyness in my August newsletter, along with a big fat delicious discount on one of my Services & a ton of noteworthy news. To ensure you’re not gonna read an article past it’s peak of ripeness (I know this is a weird analogy, but humor me), sign up here & you’ll immediately get “Pounding (Your Head Against) the Pavement: a Super Free, Super Awesome Workbook That’ll Make the Swelling Go Down.”

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Super Secretnessity: My latest project is The Declaration of You, a coolaboration with Jess Swift! That’s all I can say. The conventional world is watching.

Sensational Spring: It’s our last week talkin’ ’bout Inspiration – come join us!

Affiliate Awesomeness: (1) Khristian A. Howell’s Confessions of a First Timer (get your mind out of the gutter!) is the perfect read for any trade show exhibitor virgin. (2) Get my cult leader Danielle LaPorte’s Digital Firestarter Sessions in your own home, on your own time. (3) Also, Molly Hoyne’s Joy Equation is your 30 day guide to Living on Purpose.

My Super Secret Project, (kinda) Announced!

Michelle — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:00:10 +0000

My next project, The Declaration of You (How to Find It, Own It & Shout It From the Rooftops), is open for info!

OK, I know that’s vague, but really, I can’t tell ya much more than that. What I can tell ya is that this is an awesometastic coolaboration (yes, a “coolaboration”) with my newest favorite friend, Jess Swift, and we’ve been working our buttock’s off for the past few months to put together a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ for our kindred spirits (creative thinkers, artistically inclined, won’t rest until you’re living a life you love, willing to live in the questions, ready to take the “shoulds” from your life & kick them to the curb, the unconventional, the inspirational, the passion-filled) to discover what it means to be truly, fully, honestly you.

Intrigued? Sign up for our newsletter and get first dibs on not only the details of what we’re unveiling, but to be able to register before the rest of the world & get an extra bonus along with it! We might even sing for you. But that’s all I’ll say. Really. The conventional world is watching.

Tough (Question) Tuesday: Are you ready for the next step?

Michelle — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 06:12:50 +0000

One Step by Art = Happy.

I feel it. It’s here. I can’t let it linger any longer, or turn my back, or sing “la-la-la” while I stick my fingers in my ears.

It’s a point. It’s turning. It’s a turning point, and I can’t pirouette in reverse. Nor do I want to. I keep moving forward, taking steps, making them baby so I move slow and steady and sure and smiling.

It’s not just me. It’s you, too. You know what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, at least not immediately, then close your eyes. Take a breath. Listen.

Are you ready for the next step?

While I usually answer this question in the comment section, I’m going to wait ’til tomorrow and answer it with a post that’ll explain why this is the obvious tough question today (teaser: If you’re on my newsletter list, take a look in your Inbox at 1p Eastern today. If you’re not, then you can be by signing up here). But please, I implore you, answer it for yourself right here, in this post, in this comment section. I promise to respond, and be a good pirouetting partner.

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Tough (Question) Tuesday: What excuses are you using?

Michelle — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 06:00:03 +0000

#286 by Things We Forget

“I don’t have all the supplies I need.”

“I need the graphic designer to get back to me.”

“These descriptions have to be rewritten first.”

“My workplace is too messy.”

“I need to do more research.”

Do any of these sound familiar? Some might be valid excuses to not dive into your work, but some…well…take out the word “valid” & you’re just left with “excuses.” Bring to mind that project you’ve been waiting to start for whatever reason (valid or not) & ask:

What excuses are you using?

I’ll join you in the comments section with my own But-I-Have-To-Wait-Fors. Meet you there – no excuses!

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Sensational Spring: How does routine fit into inspiration? It’s what we’re discussing today – come join us!

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Finding My Sweet Spot (& the Challenges that come with it!)

Michelle — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 06:08:13 +0000

I just had to share with you the awesomeness I’ve been feeling lately, along with what I discovered when I focused on untying the perpetual knots in my stomach. (Guys, I’m gonna hafta share the reigns of my business so I can keep my focus to coaching! That’s some scariness for me!)

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Blogin’ About BlogHer, Brazenly: Day Two!

Michelle — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 06:24:02 +0000

Before we go any further, I know you’re dying to find out the answer to yesterday’s cliff-hanger question: What body part is this?

As it turns out, it’s Marvelous Mama Unbelievable Underwear from ASSETS, so everyone was right – it’s a pregnant belly! Am I an idiot that, on first glance, I thought it was padding to give yourself a big ole butt? Tara, Megan & I were hysterical, and I was thisclose to asking the ASSETS woman in the booth about it until I realized what it was called. Regardless, it’s totally funny. That butt is huge.

So, day two! I skipped breakfast that day as well as the keynote because a lady needs her beauty sleep (especially ’cause I was out the door on Day One earlier than my usual wake-up time & I had a bachelorette party to attend the night of Day Two), and went right to the first Break-out Session I thought would be best for me (there are 7 offered simulataneously and none are repeated, so the pressure’s on!): Networking With a Purpose Via Social Media. Because of the Session Fiasco of 2010 that occurred the day before, I didn’t have high hopes – and wow was I proven wrong! The panel was made up of Laurie, Ana, Carmen & Heather & they rocked it so hard that I took 5 pages of notes (comparitevly, I only had 3 for the whole day on Day One!). If you click here you’ll get the transcript of the whole session so I won’t regurgitate it for you, but I had to say my big a-ha! moment that came out of this was the gem, “Recruiters need applicants as much as applicants need recruiters.” This was a lesson I learned as an actor – that the casting director is desperate for you to be the right person when you walk into the room! I didn’t think of this being directly applied to career changes but, well, duh! What a fantabulous perspective.

After lunch, which I spent on-site gabbing with Nicole Indelicato, a to-be life coach studying with Martha Beck & working on her branding designs with Jess Swift! Obviously she’s a smartie pants, so we ended up not only spending the entire lunch being anti-social together (wait, can you be anti-social with someone else?), but went to the rest of the afternoon seminars together, too.

First stop was Writing Lab: The Evolving Publishing Ecosystem, which lead me to think that anyone who works with a publisher will wind up poor and unknown unless they take matters into their own hands. OK, snarkiness aside, it really was super informative for a wannabe author like me, and Kamy, Carleen, Florinda and Penny made an honest, insightful and engaging panel, and with a best-selling author like Gretchen Rubin in the audience (note to BlogHer: What the heck was Gretchen Rubin doing in the audience? Like, really?!)asking & answering questions – along with an almost-fight with a “good” publisher in the house – it was awesome sauce all around.

After a quick bathroom break (note to BlogHer: 2400 women concentrated in 2 floors needs more than 1 converted men’s bathroom), I made my way back to the Writing Lab for the Humor Writing session. And holy crapballs people, Lizz Winstead, the co-creator of The Daily Show, was on the panel! I was looking forward to it since I saw her listed in the first announcements of the session, and it did not disappoint. Coupled with Jessica Berns (with laryngitis!) & Awesomely Luvvie (which I assume ain’t her real name, but I couldn’t find it anywhere!) (note to BlogHer: why the heck didn’t you put The Bloggess up there when she was here for another panel at a different time? Like, really?!), they hit home the point that, as a comedian, the most important thing is to find your voice, use it often, and never apologize for it. Amen and hallelujah! Lizz was also super awesome to talk to me one-on-one (because I’m pushy & approached her after the session was over) about how writers get hired for The Daily Show (yes honey, I’m always thinking of you!)

The Humor Panel at BlogHer. Image credited to Awesomely Luvvie in her BlogHer recap post!

When the funnies died down, it was time for the Closing Keynote, which stoked my ladyness (ew) by bringing Marie Wilson (the co-founder of Take Your Daughter to Work Day!), Gloria Feldt (a teen mom who became Planned Parenthood’s CEO!) and P.Simran Sethi (she’s young & an Emmy-award winning jounralist!) on stage to be interviewed by Alison Stewart of Choose or Lose! The feminist in me was geeking out, and it was really inspiring to see women who paved the way for, well, something like BlogHer to exist. My favorite take-away? “Behind every success is years of crap.” My kinda ladies!

Oh BlogHer, how I wish you started the event with this!

I went to the Chill Room to relax pre-bachelorette party, but when I went to the bar to get a drink they asked where my drink ticket was. I went to buy one for – wait for it – $16! Oh hell no! So instead I happily sat with Anna and Lori, chatting about the swag and the weirdness and the whirlwind of it all.

I hit the bathrooms before I left and took my only pic of the day (too bad! My skirt was so cute!) because, well, I was recognized & offered tons of blogging kudos by my friend here in the middle of the pic. She’s been a reader (but not a commenter, to the credit of my bad memory!) and said the sweetest, nicest things ever, & I just had to take a pic. Alas, now I’m the dumbass because she didn’t have a card and I can’t find her. So please, my fan & friend, please step out from behind the comment curtain and show yourself! I’d love to be following your blog, too!

L to r: Boni, my mystery friend, & me sans cute skirt (well, it’s there, but you can’t see it)

And there you have it – my BlogHer 2010 recap round-up. And while I’d love an excuse to go to San Diego, I don’t think I’ll be seeing you there for BlogHer 2011.

The seminars: B-

The peeps: A

The organization: D

The event as a whole: I wanna say C because the corporate stuff and the first day was so stinky pants, but really, I have to say B. I don’t regret my ticket purchase at all!

So, dear BlogHer, if you’re reading, embrace your title. As soon as you make this a conference for Bloggers Who Happen to be Women and not just Mommy Bloggers and the Corporations Who Love Them, I’ll be back.

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Sensational Spring: I created a total Inspiration Mix download! I miss tapes.

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Bloggin’ About BlogHer, Brazenly: Day One!

Michelle — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 06:27:34 +0000

Ok guys, it’s totally time for my BlogHer post! And I know why I’ve been puttin’ it off/avoidin’ it since it ended, um, 11 days ago (oy!) – it’s a beast! So much to share, make fun of, & give props to.

I’m gonna start at the very beginning, which Julie Andrews tell me is a very good place to start. Early Friday morning I had a 10a appointment to be interviewed in the PepsiCo booth as part of their Women: The 5G Network series. I wasn’t sure how they got my info or what they were gonna ask me, but that didn’t stop me from saying, “Duh!” So, right after the Newbie Breakfast (which I only caught the tail-end of, because I went to the non-newbie breakfast without realizing it because, um, I was a newbie. But thanks to Anna and Lori for saving me a seat anyways!) I tried to counteract my extremely poor sense of direction & find my way to the Expo Hall that the PepsiCo booth was in. When I finally found it (after, um, 25 minutes – and it was 10 feet from where I was for breakfast!), I was shocked to find not just a stage, not just lighting equipment, not just two cameras, not just a “set”, not just a super sweet Access Hollywood-like interviewer, but a make-up person, too! I mean, for serious, people. I loved the heck out of this, and here’s the finished product to prove it!:

So fun, right? My headband had a cute feather on it that was actually on the side of my head facing away from the camera, but you live and learn, right?

I can go on and on about Day 1, but Tara did a great job of describing my sentiments exactly in her recap called, approporiately, blogher10 – it was, um, weird. Here are the highlights in picture form:

Top left: Me with the actual Jimmy Dean Sun guy from the actual Jimmy Dean Sun commercials. He asked me my name and I said “Michelle.” I asked him his and he said “The sun”. Ah, to be an actor again. Top right: Me and Mrs. Potato Head (credit Tara). This is when it struck me as odd that this constitutes going to work. Bottom left: One of the three Marmadukes from the movie. To take pictures with. What?! Bottom right: The funnest part of my day! We skipped out on the Lean Cuisine lunch or whatever they were serving at BlogHer and I went to Johnny Utah’s with (from l-r) Tara, Megan, Rebecca (who tweeted this about me: “Musical theatre kid turned career coach. Great vintage style. Carrie Bradshaw’s smarter little sister.” She’s so my new bestie) & Ashley.

And thank my lucky stars for Amy recognizing me from the back (it was a Blog Out Loud reunion!) during the Voices of the Year keynote at the end of Day 1, because she saved me with the question, “I’m meeting a friend downstairs for a drink. Wanna come with?” Not that hearing excerpts from the bloggers given Voices of the Year award wasn’t important or awesome or anything, but when the Holocaust excerpt got read and then the graphic breast cancer excerpt got read, well, it was too much for me to handle at 5:30p on a Friday. We went to the hotel bar and turned into a big group when Erin, Miss E, Lulu & the Mojito Maven joined us! Girls whose blogs were named for some of my favorite beverages? So my peeps. I tore myself away to head to the EZPZ Party, which is the only one that I (a) got in to and (b) could attend, because I had no idea that BlogHer had stuff beyond the dates/times that they gave us when we signed up (namely 8a-10p Friday and 8a-6p Saturday). They had parties on Thursday & Saturday nights, but I had plans, people! Geez Louise Louise, that was annoying. OK, rant over.

So, I went to take the 10 minute walk over to the party, when what awaited me right outside but a pedicab mob of Marios:

I don’t think that they had anything to do with BlogHer – they were outside the Ziegfeld Theater, which was showing Inception, which also has nothing to do with Super Mario – but still, an odd sight (yet not as odd as I would have usually thought it, considering the day!) nonetheless.

I made it to the party without my Cart (like Super Marios – get it? I know, I know, I’ll get off the stage) but didn’t last too long because (a) I was tired (b) I had all the “swag” with me (which, um, don’t lynch me, but I thought was mostly junk) (c) they had very little food but a big bar, so I was getting drunk & quick. But the view from the restaurant was spectacular & they had a fake photo booth, so I made sure to take a shot with my new cute blogging teenage friend (she was there with her Mom & stepdad – so cute!) who told me more than once that I was “really pretty.” Seriously, everyone at BlogHer is my new bestie.

Is this you? If it is, please please let me know! I didn’t get a card for you & don’t know where you are. I’d love to follow your blog & read about your first year at college!

In summation, the only thing that kicked ass about BlogHer the first day was the people (Session 1 was eh, I skipped Session 2 and walked out of Session 3), and if I didn’t already have a ticket for Day Two, I probably wouldn’t have showed up. But I’m so glad I did, as BlogHer redeemed itself on Day Two! Come back tomorrow to get the recap, but first, I must leave you with this question, which I implore you to answer in the comments after your first glance at it (don’t look too long!):

What body part is this?

Tough (Question) Tuesday: How do you know when its your true voice talking or if it’s just those pesky Vampires?

Michelle — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 06:22:38 +0000

Listen by Jess Swift, who is totally the birthday girl today. HAPPY HAPPY JESS! I’m so thankful for you.

Are these tough (questions) getting harder or is it just me? Well, I blame all the Vampire talk that happened last week along with the comments on what it takes for you to trust yourself, because it got me thinking:

How do you know when its your true voice talking or if it’s just those pesky Vampires?

Oh! And for anyone that’s new around these parts, when I talk about your Vampire I’m talking about that voice that’s in your head that sucks the good stuff right out of ya. It usually tells you that your dumb / lazy / unspecial / unimportant and you’ll never amount to anything. So not cool.

I’ll start off the comments with my answer to this question unless someone beats me to it (hint hint nudge nudge)!

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Sensational Spring: The third video in our Inspiration series is up today! Head on over to weigh in on the question, “When does inspiration disguise itself as procrastination (& vice versa)?”

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I’m ready for my Creative Close-Up on Manusmade!

Michelle — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 06:19:39 +0000

I’m thrilled to be the very first interview on the very new blog, Manusmade! Tania is the woman behind the blog / community (and soon to be business!) and I’ve had the pleasure of working with her for the past 6 weeks. She’s the inspirer of the Tough (Question) Tuesday post that asked, “What will you get out of your head and into your hands, literally?”, and she’s doing just that on Manusmade! Hop on over to find out my answer to that very question, as well what inspired me to be inspiring, what I learned from musical theater, my favorite thing about being an entrepreneur, and how I helped her go from zero to launched! Yay, Tania!

Why This Post Isn’t About BlogHer

Michelle — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 06:18:07 +0000

Sun Will Come Out folded card by Everything Little Miss

This post was supposed to be about BlogHer. I promised. And I’m sorry if you were looking forward to it. I scheduled it into my calendar today, but (a) ran out of time and (b) couldn’t wrap my head around it. Right now, I should be making dinner. But I couldn’t bring myself to BlogHer or dinner without sitting down and getting this out here, in the open, to you, to me.

Long story short? I surrender. I put up my hands. I give up the cape. I wave the white flag. (Insert all other similar analogies here)

As it turns out, I’m not Superwoman, and it has to be OK right now. I have clients to coach and Spring to co-host and an e-course to launch (in October, we think! stay tuned!) and I. Just. Can’t. Do. Everything.

That’s not true. I could. I could choose this to keep working this way. That would also be making the choice to be constantly tired, and mostly cranky, and considering a lunch break of more than 30 minutes a rare luxury. And I absolutely, positively go against that choice.

Remember when, about 6 weeks ago, I talked all about what was in my head & what was making my brain explode & how I was totally overwhelmed? After I wrote it I was able to own it, but yet I find myself here. Again. Thank all that is holy that I started working with Thekla again on time management, and really discovering what needs to happen in my business, at this level. I’m so, so, so (so! so! so!) very thankful that my client load is at a maximum and the consultation calls continue to roll in, but now comes the part that’s even tougher than getting the clients: managing it all. Managing it to my limits, my needs, my energy level, my expectations & what I put on my plate. And the big realization here is that, well, I don’t really know what that is. I might think I know, but I don’t. And why don’t I know?

Because I’m new here.

It’s only been 144 days since I’ve been a full-time coach, and what I thought I could handle isn’t the reality. I am, however, taking notice, & am getting a sense now as to how many client sessions I want to conduct each day (3 maximum), and how late is too late for me to coach (9p Eastern), and that I need a Partner in Crime to manage my nudging and billing, which is taking way too much brain power now that I’m juggling (heading to spreadsheet, counting, counting, counting…) 47 clients.

Wait, did I just say 47 clients?!

I totally did. Wow. Whoa. And other “W” words. Yes, Wonderful, too.

I honestly didn’t realize that, but between my group session clients and my private clients, I have 47 on the current roster. No wonder I’m logging about 60-70 hours/week. Ah. And thank the good lord, I’ve already cut off working with new clients ’til after Labor Day, but maybe I need to extend that date out, too.

I promise I’ll keep figuring this out, and cluing you guys in, and bringing you along for the ride. The most wonderful piece of all this is knowing that you guys are here for me, supporting me, cheering me on, showing up whether I blog twice a week or two dozen times a week (right?). And don’t even think that I’ll be neglecting this space at all – I love it too, too much.

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Delicious Discount: Get a $25 discount for any $250 purchase from Tara Sroka all the way through Aug 31st.

Affiliate Awesomeness:

Khristian A. Howell’s Confessions of a First Timer (get your mind out of the gutter!) is the perfect read for any trade show exhibitor virgin.
Get my cult leader Danielle LaPorte’s Digital Firestarter Sessions in your own home, on your own time.
Also, Molly Hoyne’s Pay-What-You-Can-Afford Joy Equation is your 30 day guide to Living on Purpose.