When I Grow Up - The Blog

Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are….

Michelle — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:22:32 +0000

“I Make My Own Rules,” by Jess Gonacha Swift
The biggest thing I learned when I pounded the pavement as an actor was, well, me – my uniquity, my spark, what makes me different & where I thrive. From those handful of post-college years, I learned that I loved (& got cast!) singing loud & funny; creating new, SNL-like characters; portraying multiple roles at once; & being quirky / enthusiastic / spunky / offbeat. Once I put those pieces together & the lightbulb went off over my head (I may or may not have shouted, “Eureka!”), I made sure to absolutely positively bring my quirky, spunky, offbeat enthusiasm into the room the first time I entered, whether it was visually with the polka-dot dress I wore (with matching headband!)& the headshot with a bright blue background or audibly with the song I sang to show that I was both funny & loud (with a killer mix/belt)! Allowing me to be me let me be secure with bringing myself into the room & put me at ease almost instantly. I’ve been able to bring that in to my coaching, & pair it with what I know makes me spark (writing, speaking, coaching, collaborating, relationship building). I’m able to look & see what is in line with my authenticity, because I know what makes me, um, me.

I have two clients I’m currently working with that are going through just that. These are vivacious, fun, enthusiastic, funny, talented, inspiring women who don’t quite believe that what they have to offer – their particular services as well as their engaging personalities – would equate to anything that anyone would pay for. These two women in particular are looking to work for themselves, but even if they were applying for jobs where someone else wrote the paycheck, they would come across the same dilemma: Buttoning themselves up, not allowing their real selves to shine through, & thinking they had to be a certain way/thing/person in order to get the job. They probably wouldn’t take the time or effort to discover where they shine & what gives them their uniquity, & having the world miss out on that makes me sad.

Whether you’re an artist launching a new Etsy shop or a writer looking for a full-time gig or an assistant looking to enter PR, being authentic is what will set you apart. Some will call it Branding, but how boring is that (& hello, what a way to bring on a case of the Shoulds!) Your uniquity is what makes you interesting. Your uniquity is what others will relate to. Your uniquity is what will get you the sales, the clients, and/or the job. Your uniquity is why people will want to work with you. Your uniquity is you.

But how do you find your uniquity?

Do something scary & ask your friends & family why they like hanging out with you. Better yet, get it in writing or set-up a free survey so you can see the overall “winning” traits. Is is your sense of humor, the well-thought-out opinions of the Obama presidency, or the way you can put together the cutest outfit ever? If that is way too super scary, write down the names of your Top 10 Friends (don’t worry – unless this is Mean Girls nobody’ll see it) & the reason you hang out with them. Then put yourself in their shoes & ask yourself what you bring to their table. Be honest & egotistical – you can always buy new hats to fit your swelled head. Now brainstorm how you can bring those attributes into your resume, your shop, your website, your blog, your Twitter stream, your Mom’s house….(see, I brought in a Your Mom joke – one of my favorite things!)
Look back over any job review &/or thank you note/email/phone call, & make a note of the attributes that were pointed out to you. Did a friend thank you for setting them up on that blind date with your high school pal? Seems like you’re a good connector. Did your boss make note of how your colleagues perform better than usual when they’re on a project with you? Sounds like you’re a great leader/inspirer/motivator. Write down these traits & keep them in your front pocket.
Do a stream-of-consciousness writing exercises for 15 minutes (set the timer!) of things you love to do. It could be as simple as, “Go shopping with Sally” or as complicated as “Throw my Mom a surprise party for 100 people.” What have you done in your life that you’ve felt happy, or useful, or un-self-conscious, or free, or in touch? Those situations define you, as well as giving you clues to the authentic you. Pay attention to them, & do what you can to bring more of them into your life.
Carry a notebook with you & write down whenever you feel authentic & why as well as when someone thanks you & why. Put a week or two’s worth of notes together & you can really get all the pieces of the puzzle (”Felt authentic when I thanked the barista & she smiled at me-> Like being friendly, or feel like I put some Nice into the world”).
Think of what Your Perfect Day would hold if you had to work during it. Where would you be? Who would be with you? What would you be doing? If nothing’s coming, close your eyes & take the pressure off yourself. Just wait for it. Once you have that image, or that movie in your mind, write it down or draw it or paint it or make it into a cartoon. Just make sure that you slay the Vampires that come out during it, especially the Yeah-Like-That’ll-Happen Vampire & the I’m-Not-Qualified Vampire & the I-Can’t-Really-Make-Money-From-That Vampire. They’re not welcome here.

Finding your authentic attributes & the things that make you spark is the way to really figure out who you are & what you have to offer. Only then can you go out into the world & create a life that supports it. And who wouldn’t want a life that’s supported by your true self?

Dummies. That’s who.

This article first appeared in the Feb version of my newsletter. If you’re not a dummy, then you’ll sign up now. And yes, being a big, mean bully is totally part of my uniquity.

Tough (Question) Tuesday: Where do you bloom?

Michelle — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:11:59 +0000

Magnet by Aimee of Artsyville. Put these back in your shop, Aimee!

Believe it or not, with all the excitement going on, I couldn’t think of a “good” question (isn’t that such a relative word?) for today’s installment of Tough (Question) Tuesday. So I started looking through my Inspiration folder on Evernote (yup, I clip all the images that I come across that excite me & keep ‘em there for a rainy day/blog post) & came across this wonderful saying from Aimee. It got me thinking about how I’m taking myself away from an environment where I most certainly do not bloom (thank you very much!), & into one where I thrive. I grow. I stretch. I reach. I spark. I love. I connect. I bloom.

So tell me, tell me:

Where do you bloom?

Do you need a lot of sunlight, fresh air & water? Do you need a quiet room & a paintbrush? Do you need a bathtub full of suds & a glass of wine? Think about where you feel inspired, & inspiring. Think about where you are & what you’re doing when the time flies & it’s been nothing but fun.

Then tell me, tell me your bloomin’ place in the comment section so I can help you till the soil.

Wow, this was a good analogy.

I Quit My Day Job!

Michelle — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:02:25 +0000

Yes I did.

I’m going to be a full-time creative career coach when I grow up, which will specifically be on March 22, 2010.

Cue the tears sobs of gladness (did you expect anything else?):

I Quit My Job! from WhenIGrowUpCoach on Vimeo.

How I’m Feeling Today (aka Caution: Excitement Ahead!)

Michelle — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:15:12 +0000

Finally, the drama commences. Finally, there’s fantabulous excitement to come soon, soon, soon……and this is how I’m feeling today!:

Top of the World, uploaded by Shekynah & found via kind over matter

I’ll see ya via vlog post tomorrow with something I’ve been longing to say for years! Hallelujah & amen!

Tough (Question) Tuesday: What are you worrying about that’s beyond your control?

Michelle — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:11:25 +0000

Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world by kirstypaterson

Sorry I still hafta be so cryptic after yesterday’s post, y’all – but believe me, nobody wants to tell ya what’s going on more than I do! But because of the BS I’ve had to put up with, as well as a recent conversation that I had with a client, I started wondering:

What are you worrying about that’s beyond your control?

Don’t even think about how you’re not going to worry about it, or how to make it in your control. Just stick with the basics in identifying it. Once you have, leave your answer in the comments section. I’ll be there too & we can all take deep breaths together.

Things Are Not Going As Planned

Michelle — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:33:32 +0000

Hold On by Kelly Rae Roberts. She knows just what to say.

Y’know when you have a Great Big Plan for months & months & then that plan blows up in your face/falls apart/decides to become a Great Big Mess?

Well, I do. It’s happening today. In case it’s not obvious, things are not going as planned.

I wanted to have exciting news for you guys tomorrow – a juicy, exciting, awesome vlog where I would most certainly cry. And now….well, I know it’ll happen SOON but I just don’t know when. And I know that I’m a life coach & I know that I should (there’s that word!) just roll with the punches & take deep breaths, especially because I know that this Great Big Plan might only be delayed for a week or two. But I don’t wanna roll with punches or be rational or take deep breaths. I wanna yell & throw a tantrum & shout to the skies, “Why is this happening to ME?!”

Honestly, I’m gonna do all that soon. I’m gonna get it out of my system & give myself that tantrum time & let myself cry & cry, because I know that 5 minutes later I’ll feel better & move on & be OK. I mean, I do know it’s all OK & it’s not the end of the world. It’s just…things are not going as planned. And when there’s a plan as exciting as this, it’s not one that you want to postpone.

So, come back tomorrow for a new Tough (Question) Tuesday & Wednesday for a book review or a juicy article (not sure which yet) & then, hopefully, by the end of the week my Great Big Plan can be a Great Big Reality that I can share with all of you.

Until then, feel free to send me your favorite relaxation techniques & jars of bubble bath for my favorite relaxation technique. I’m gonna need ‘em.

Link Love: February 2010!

Michelle — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:49:28 +0000

Jump by Jessica Gonacha Swift. I’m planning to take a big jump next week, but can’t tell ya about it yet. I’m such a tease!

Yay hooray for Link Love! While I’ve always been lovin’ the links, I love this series just because it gives me an excuse to thoroughly go through my Reader at least once a month. I totally con myself into thinking reading my blogs is work, because I have to link it up for you guys here. I’m so tricky, & I love it!

In order not to suck up the entire rest of your month, here are my Top 20 February posts (in no particular order, because rating them would be ridiculously evil):

The Fire & Perspective on Swirly Girl
Empathy on Follow My Bliss
Imperfect Balance & I Intend to Wake Every Day, & Try on Torpid Trifling
Mixtape #3 on Kind Over Matter (all their mixtapes rock the friggin’ houseoff)
Open-Heart Surgery: Six Life Leadership Lessons Discovered in the Midst of Heartbreak (get the tissues ready!) on More in You
People Want to Help You on Unicorns for Socialism
If There Were No Criticism or Praise, Who Would You Be? on Awake at the Wheel
If You Were a Superhero…, Listen: You Already Know All the Answers & Let Your Sun Shine on Treasuring (stop being so brilliant, Jess!)
Why Are You Apologizing? on Seth’s Blog
The Perils of Justifying Yourself on White Hot Truth
How to Change People’s Minds About You on S.Joy Studios (there are 5 steps to this post, & the link here goes to the last step which links to the other 4 steps. Yes, this is a tricky way for me to include 5 posts that count as one. Insert evil laugh here)
How Not to Hurry & The Hidden Art of Achieving Creative Flow on Zen Habits
Feeling Small Makes Me Feel So Good on Rise of the Innerpreneur
A Tiny, Sweet Thing on The Fluent Self
A Fable About Possibility, Hope & Following Your Dreams on Owning Pink

And now for some shameless self-promotion!:

I got interviewed on The Sweet Unfolding!
I drew a self-portrait for The Mathematics of Glamour!
I got interviewed for Let Your Office Creativity Fly Free for Metro, a daily paper!
We made a crapload of videos around support (both positive & negative) on Spring! Choose your poison or watch ‘em all (click over today for a new installment):

What did you love reading this month? Anything I missed? Do you agree or disagree with anything above? I wanna know!

And the Winner of the Everyday Creative Kit is….

Michelle — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 10:17:50 +0000

…drumroll please……

…now the violins….

….and then the cowbell….

…now drumrolls louder….

…then the triangle….

…back to the drumroll….and….the winner is…..

Tiffany from Crafty Fanny!

Now how fun was that?! OK, maybe it wasn’t as fun for all the contestants who aren’t Tiffany, but the good news is that the Everyday Creative Kit is just $15. Ya know how I’m all like, “Celebrate stuff!” & “Be Nice to Yourself!” & “Bribe Yourself to Do Stuff!”? Normally everyone thinks that a Celebration has to be a big party or a Broadway show or an enormous lobster dinner, but I say “hell to the no” – it can be as cheap & simple as a bubble bath or a stargazer lily or some time with a book. The Everyday Creative Kit strikes me as a perfect treat for yourself. Add it to your Me Time list!

Oh, and don’t feel bad about not winning, everyone-who-isn’t-Tiffany. I have to buy an Everyday Creative Kit too. I gotta do something about these rules…

P.S. If you have something you think my readers would like & wanna sponsor a giveaway, email me at michelle(at)whenigrowupcoach(dot)com. Excitement!

Turning Molehills Into Mountains & Back Into Molehills

Michelle — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 09:09:03 +0000

I did something scary last week! Wanna hear about it?

Turning Molehills Into Mountains & Back Into Molehills! from WhenIGrowUpCoach on Vimeo

If you wanna see the challenge that started it all / Jess LC’s awesome bullying, click here.

(And yes, I changed from a Flip video to a Photobooth video & still can’t get a decent freeze frame to start the video. It’s my curse. I’ve accepted it. Let’s all move on).

Great Giveaway!: Everyday Creative Kit & Workbook!

Michelle — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 09:21:01 +0000

I’m going to Vegas today – yay hooray! 5 days in the desert with my man, his sister, & her boyfriend (who dances for The Donny & Marie Show), not to mention some time with my man’s BFF from high school, who we never see unless someone’s recently dead or about to get married. But I didn’t think it would be fun if I have all the fun, so when I saw the Everyday Creative Kit & Workbook on Nicole Docimo’s blog I just had to DM her on Twitter & asked if she’d sponsor a giveaway. As you can guess, she said yes (Are you wearing a dress? I’m not, I confess!)! I’m so freakin’ excited. The first sponsored giveaway on this blog! About damn time.

Here it is! Isn’t it awesome?! (Please note that that’s a hypothetical question)

I asked Nicole the simple question of what inspired her to create the kit, & she gave me these gems:

“Something that has become very important to me over the past few years, as I’ve gotten back into art after spending some time avoiding it (for reasons of fear, and delusions that you can’t do art as a career), is the idea that everyone is creative. How many times I have heard people say, “I’m not creative,” or “I wish I was creative.” Honestly, this is RIDICULOUS, and it makes me angry that so many people have internalized this. I think it is one of the barriers to artists becoming artists and really flexing their “art-wings,” and on a larger level, I think it is one of the barriers to a lot of people really enjoying life.

I know these are big statements, but if you think about it, when we were all kids we lived in endless worlds of creativity. Anything was possible, until we were taught that it was not. I think creativity is the difference between putting yourself in a a box, and living a free and joyful life. It’s the difference between “yes” and “no.” For quite a few years, I told myself “no.” I thought I couldn’t do art for a living, I thought I wasn’t good enough, I thought “I must do the jobs that are available because that is the way people do it.” Once I started to really let myself get creative in my brain and in my heart, everything changed. Once I made space to open up to the possibilities, I was able to shift and make creativity the focus of my life—not just art, but the idea of an entire creative life concept—that you don’t have to live the way everyone says you “should.” You can create your own life, based on the things that you value. This is the ultimate idea of creativity to me.

My Everyday Creative Kit is an introduction to this. It is an opening to a bunch of small ideas that can add up to a lot more joy. The first incarnation of the kit idea for me was an Art Monthly Club program I started this past fall, where members would receive a little bit of creative inspiration each month in the form of a kit. After putting it out there for a couple of months, I realized that what I was trying to do could be done better by a series of kits that I offer consistently, instead of a monthly club. So I thought about it for a while, and decided that the first kit I would like to make would be a guide to being creative in small ways, everyday. I decided that a workbook would be the best cornerstone of the kit, and collected and thought of a handful of different exercises that would get people into the creative mode—from doing an inspiration collage, to dancing, to going on a field trip—mainly just taking the time to think about what creative things you would love to do. As with everything, I think it’s about making space and time for what you want in your life—I hope this kit will help people make a little space in their lives for more creativity. As I’ve found with making art—creativity leads to more creativity. Once you open the door, you never know what will come in.”

Seriously. I love her.

OK, so you wanna win, don’t ‘cha? You can enter by leaving a comment below that describes what you do for your creative time. Do you have a tip to get started on a creative project? A daily ritual that gets you into that play space? A favorite creative thing? A mantra that helps you clear your head & get to work? We wanna hear it!

Oh, and you get 1 extra vote for doing each of the following:

following me on Twitter
following me on Facebook
following Nicole on Twitter
following Nicole on Facebook
tweeting about this giveaway (I’ll make it easy – copy & paste this: “I just entered the Everyday Creative Kit Giveaway by @bluebicicletta on @WhenIGroUpCoach’s blog. Your turn! http://ow.ly/16T1A”)

Each time you do one of those things, add a comment below saying what you did. So, everyone can have up to 6 entries! You’ll be a shoo-in when I pick the winner randomly on Tuesday, February 23rd at 5p EST. The winner will be announced early Wednesday!

And even though I’ll be watching Donny & Marie / seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time / maxin’ & relaxin’ I’ll have a vlog up for you on Friday. The miracle of the scheduled posts!

Good luck, everyone!