Tough (Question) Tuesday: Do you believe in “passion”?
Passion Fine Art Print by Lovely Journey
Lately, a fairly large chunk of my clients, when asked what they’re passionate about, have remarked along the lines of, “There’s nothing I like doing so much I want to commit to it, and therefore I’m not passionate about anything.” I’ve so far replaced this word with two clients – one now uses “like-like” & the other uses “abundance” – to take away it’s weight, it’s heft, it’s seriousness. I’ve even gotten a few, “I don’t think there’s such a thing.” As someone who’s living my passion after living another passion, & who took great pains in finding a new passion when the old one – while still a great love of my life – faded, I’ve been fairly taken aback by these responses.
So I have to ask:
Do you believe in passion?
And some follow-up questions:
If not, why?
Is it something you believe in, but feel is a super loaded, scary word?
If you do believe in it, are there conditions?
What does “passion” mean to you?
Answer this tough question & any/all/some/most/none of the follow-ups in the comments section, & I’ll meet ya there. If you can’t tell, I’m super curious about this, so I’m super looking forward to your thoughts & insights!
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June 15th, 2010 at 6:11 am
This struck a chord, because I have a half-written post on passion (need to get on that, huh?). Here’s what I’m working on: I have been one of those people who didn’t feel passionate about anything. I think that comes from the oppression that some people (I did) feel when they’re not doing what’s right for them. For me, it was a soul crushing office job that I didn’t think I could leave because I was good at it and I made a lot of money. But, even activities that I had loved in the past lost their luster when I was in that situation.
I think it takes something like a retreat, forced layoff, new baby with health issues forces you to quit, that sort of thing to get away from the every day grind. Then, people should try things out, things that sound interesting or that they liked as a child. Keep going until you find something that makes you forget the clock – time will stand still, or breeze by in an instant. I think you can only be passionate once you have an ounce of spare energy. But the best part, is that if you find a passion and maintain it, its energy can sustain you through what would previously have been a grind.
June 15th, 2010 at 9:48 am
I think I’ve been super passionate since I was a kid. From my teen crush on Kirk Cameron that caused me to line my bedroom walls with posters of him, to my first love, to hobbies (reading, writing, knitting, watching football), to music (I see Bon Jovi every time he comes to NYC), to my work (I love what I do) and life in general. To be honest I don’t know how I can do anything without having some level of passion for it. It might sound like too much for some people but for me it works. I feel passionate about all these things because I feel passionate for life in general. I’ve learned that life is just to short to not enjoy something about each day.
That’s not to say that passion doesn’t fade a bit or lessen in my life. It does…I’m human after all. I’d be surprised if it didn’t. During those times it is hard to do anything…write, work, whatever. But just like in a relationship keeping the passion alive is a challenge. You have to find new ways to appreciate the things or people you are passionate about. When you get that feeling back the power of it just get stronger and reinforces the passion.
I think passion follows the circle of life. It just keeps being reborn.
June 15th, 2010 at 11:04 am
This is so relevant! I finally finished reading The Renaissance Soul, and it’s really started to transform my concept of “passion” and how it fits into my life. For my whole life, I’ve had this super-idealized, unattainable concept of “passion”. Passion was the thing you felt so strongly about doing, that you couldn’t imagine not doing. Passion could only be one thing. Passion was something you would recognize instantly, like love at first sight, or the perfect wedding dress (neither of which have applied to my life!)
I never felt that “spark” for anything. I would try and commit to something and say “This is my passion,” but it never worked. It was so, so, so discouraging to feel like I didn’t have a passion. It was like saying I didn’t have anything worth living for, or something.
Now I’m realizing, passion doesn’t have to fit into that mold. I’m passionate about creating a work environment for myself that is not in a cold cubicle under fluorescent lights. I’m passionate about having creative freedom in my work. And now, I’ve created a whole list of projects that I feel that spark in my heart for.
I recently got an idea to make a charity calendar. I’m pretty excited about it, and I’m having fun researching eco-friendly printers and deciding what photos I will use. I feel a spark in my heart while I’m working on it or thinking about it. Does that mean my one true passion is making charity calendars and I should commit to that and be the best calendar maker there is? No. It means I’m going to put my heart and soul into maybe one or two calendars and then move on. Meanwhile, I’ll also be putting my heart and soul into a website project as well. After that, guess what, I have some ideas for computer games!
Now I can get excited about something without the pressure of labeling it as my “one true passion”, and as a result, I can give my energy fully to that thing, short-term. I feel totally liberated from those old definitions and expectations of passion.
June 15th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
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June 15th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I totally believe in passion. And I also believe that passion can evolve and change over time, too. One of my greatest passions is photography … but there have been times in my life where I obsess over some other activity/passtime/hobby/dream/person.
I think that the word passion could be intimidating for one who doesn’t really know what they want to be when they grow up or what they are passionate about. I mean – if you are passionate about something, that is one of the first big clues as to what you might want to be when you grow up.
But if you aren’t sure, if you change your mind, … then the word “passion” could definitely be a little scary.
I think a good trick in that case is to make a big giant list of goals or ideas or “likes” … and then just start working through them. As many things as you can possibly think of that you might like to do … mini-goals, if you will. Projects. Something that is big enough that you have to put a little effort into it, but not big enough that you dedicate your life to it … then just start working down the list, doing the ones that jump out at you. Jump around, start projects, experiment, try a bunch of different things. After a while (in my experience anyways …) you start to see a theme or trend in the activities/projects/goals that are most rewarding and exciting to you … and then you start to discover your passion.
And as you have experienced, Michelle, you can go through life thinking that your are passionate about X – but then wake up one day and realize you just aren’t feeling it anymore. And in that case, go back to previous step, try lots of new things again and perhaps new patterns and passions emerge, and you might discover that now you are passionate about Y.
I don’t think that changing or evolving passions makes them any less real. Passion is just something that excites you, that challenges and rewards you … and that could be several things or one thing, or it could change from time to time. You don’t have to “pick” a passion like you pick a college major and vow to move, full steam ahead, on that one course. Passion is much more fluid and changeable …
Just my two cents!
June 15th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
I believe in passion, but I don’t feel it (or haven’t yet felt it) and it scares me! So many things that I do are on a “have to do it” or “should do it” or “can’t not do it” level. There’s nothing that I absolutely-positively-absolutely-must-do!
It’s scary, because I want to have passion for my job and for my life. But passion is difficult, passion is risky. If you FAIL at something you’re passionate about, that’s true failure, right? If I fail at something I am indifferent about, I can be indifferent about the failure. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but that’s what’s scary to me about passion.
June 15th, 2010 at 5:27 pm
I totally believe in passion, but until recently I was nervous about the life-commitment implication of “MY PASSION”. Haha. However, I’ve finally accepted that I am passionate about several things and that those “passions” may fade or evolve over time and that is ok. I’m getting better at identifying things that are merely “obsessions” (aka my own personal fads) and what have more staying power as a “passion”. In contrast to Jill’s statement above about being frightened of failing at a passion, I find that I’m more willing to risk things for passion – the real failure to me would be to invest my precious time in something I DON’T enjoy and then to fail at it. At least I enjoyed the time spent with a passion
June 15th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Yep, I believe in passion. I’ve also switched from one life passion to another, and it still hurts – so yes, passion is deadly serious, too.
Louise
June 15th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
This is a really interesting question. I feel like I am passionate about SO MANY things that it’s kind of hard to narrow it down to just one BIG PASSION. There’s a lot of pressure in that, don’t you think?
I think that what passion means to me is finding those things (see, more than one!) that make you feel most alive. That, when you’re doing them, you feel like you’re on top of the world, like you have your sparkle. That’s when I know I’ve found my passion.
June 15th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
I was just talking to my partner about this on Saturday. I told him I was afraid I didn’t have the passion I needed to reach my dreams, so we started talking about what “passion” really entails. We came up with a lot of thoughts, but the main thing I took away from the conversation was that passion doesn’t always have to be this burning, constant presence at the forefront of everything driving you onward. It can be quiet, and it frequently isn’t right there up front all the time. If there is something that draws you back to it repeatedly, something that keeps coming to mind and making you think about it, you have a passion for that thing.
So yes, I believe in passion, but I also believe that it has many faces. I think we are often led to believe that it’s an intense burning in our hearts and minds, and if we don’t have that we think we lack passion. This is a great disservice to creative souls, and I hope we can all start having these conversations so we can spread the word that passion has many faces.
Thanks for the great question!
June 15th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Really good posting. I do believe in passion. Sometimes we don’t need to feel a burning passion to do something we like, and sometimes we have a huge passion for something, but don’t want to pay the price. (like traveling far, being in crowds, investing tons of hours in “it”) In my opinion passion is like most things in life: it comes in all sizes, colors and degrees. Some are easy to live with, some are difficult. Some you can ignore, some you can’t live without; some others you have to do even if it’s crazy or you are terrible at it (hopefully is not parachuting! LoL)
Sometimes the passion is so much, that freezes you. I have seen it.
Sometimes like in my case, you have too many passions (like some said above) and you end up kind of spread too thinly.
So I guess a key question is, is your passion driving you or stopping you.
Great answers and opinions from everyone. Inspiring!
June 16th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Ohmyogsh, you guys are rocking my socks with these responses! Thank you for all your thoughts & your honesty. Whadda conversation we’ve got going on here!
@Kate – Amen & hallelujah! Hope this makes it into a post in the near future, as you have some terrific insight (spoiler: I’m gonna write one too for my next newsletter!). It DOES get so tough to pursue – or find! – a passion when you’re stuck in a bad situation, whether it’s personal or professional. And I think a lot of people (adults!) want that instant result, & may even think it’s “too late” to find their passion. Hooey to that! It’s all about cutting yourself some slack & making time to do what interests you.
@nycgirl0501 – My first crush was Kirk, too! No wonder we’ve become friends
And I love what you wrote: “I’ve learned that life is just to short to not enjoy something about each day.” I mean, it doesn’t necessarily need to be about passion - it needs to be about enjoyment & making sure there’s a piece of it that you can recognize every day. I have a feeling that when you make time for something you like doing each & every day, then the passion emerges from it’s hiding place.
@Natalie – You make such great points, & I think your earlier fear of passion (having it be One Thing, having it be Love at First Sight, etc) is where the clients I’ve mentioned are at with it. But the funny thing it, you can be “passionate” about lots of things – even silly stuff like, I don’t know, pretty office supplies. Does it mean you’re gonna/have to devote your life to pretty office supplies? No, it doesn’t! But does it give you a clue as to what you like aesthetically? Sure! And from how you describe it, it’s more about being passionate about whatever it is you wanna work on in that moment. Just because you wanna make a charity calendar just means you’re excited to make a charity calendar! That’s really the parallel, I think.
@Jessica – Are you stealing my life coaching tactics?
With my first client who was scared of the word “passion”, I gave her the homework to start a Big Likes list. She’s constantly adding to it & it runs the gamut of “riding in a convertible” to “tea on the patio” to certain textures and feeling of use to her friends & family. She’s really getting to know herself better in that way, & I think that’s even better than identifying that Passion. In my case, I was so super passionate about performing, and it’s not that it went away, but it certainly waned, washed over by the icky business side of things in that world. I still love love love (OK, yes, “passionate about”) getting on stage, but I don’t have to make it my life. And that’s the bottom line. And you’re so right about passion equating to what gets your pumped in that moment. While I’m passionate about blogging, sometimes I downright don’t feel like posting. Does that mean I’m unpassionate about it? Nope. I think people scared of “passion” think it’s something that has to be done every day. They need that mindset shaken right outta them!
@Jill – Ooh, Jill, you brought up something new & something important right here: If you identify your passion & “fail” at it, then what’s left? So, therefore, let’s stay away from “passion” & play it safe so there’s no fear of failing. It’s so interesting because, in a way, I “failed” at acting (in the case of walking away from it), but I so don’t see it that way. That passion, & living/pursuing it, led me to absolutely positively having to find a new passion when I decided that acting wasn’t going to be my life/career any longer. And that led me here, to coaching, which is 200% my new passion. And ya know what? I might “fail” at this too, but everything that’s gotten me here so far, well, is nothing but a very validating learning experience, & I know that I can’t truly fail at this either. Oh, and watch the “shoulds”, lady. It’s a 4 letter word in my book!
@Maggie – I love the differentiation between “passion” & “obsession.” When I was engaged, I thought I had a passion for weddings – until I got married & realized I was no longer interested in all the wedding blogs/bulletin boards I had subscribed to! It’s interesting to think about differentiating the two…
@Louise – It is, it is! I think that’s why so many people are so scared of it. But what would happen if passion = fun / enjoyment / excitement? I wonder how we can make it lighter for everyone…
@Tiffany – You’re on the money, & why I recommend The Renaissance Soul to everyone like you (& me!). The tagline is “for people with too many passions to pick just one” because, well, you don’t have to! It’s all about identifying those passions (or simply, the things that bring you energy & make you feel alive) & then making sure to incorporate ‘em into your life.
@Kim – It’s so interesting to bring up the little voice in the back of your mind, reminding you that it’s there & you love it & it’s waiting for you. I find a lot of times that my clients who come to me looking for a career change wind up eventually “picking” the career choice that they’ve come back to time & again, but have rejected for one reason or another. Listening to that quiet voice is so important!
June 16th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
yes i believe in passion…but i i don’t know how long it can last? can it last forever, with anything? does it ebb and flow? i don’t know. but i definitely believe. in passion!
June 17th, 2010 at 10:00 am
@Kerri – It’s so awesome you brought that up, because that’s been another recurring theme for my clients lately! It’s that pressure of having to find your Forever Passion, or figuring out, “What am I gonna do with my life?” Instead, we’re focusing on, “What do I want my life to be / look like / consist of right now?” By focusing on the present & the near future, it becomes a more manageable question as opposed to The Question To End All Questions. Scary! And BTW, I’m on your site now & listening to your YouTube videos. You’re such a talent!
June 17th, 2010 at 10:07 am
I wholeheartedly believe in passion, in doing what revs you up, in loving life.
It’s been my experience though, that the people who say they don’t have anything they are passionate about, or who don’t believe in it, have some combination of three things in common:
1) They’ve been disconnected from their dreams. These are the same people of whom you can ask what their dream is and they’ll tell you they don’t know, don’t have one, or forgot it long ago. It’s hard to be passionate when you have no dreams (I think).
2) As Kate said, they are currently immersed in soul draining work. They let that take all their strength and energy, and so it’s hard to find enough to stir up passion, even for the things they love (but probably aren’t doing).
3) They haven’t discovered their “thing” yet. Maybe they just haven’t experienced enough yet, or maybe they limit themselves due to internal or external rules, and so they have yet to try or DO their passion. My husband didn’t start martial arts (Passion #1) till his late twenties, almost thirty, and didn’t start running (his full on passion lately) until last year at 35. Some of us just need to try new things.
These are things I’ve observed about the people who struggle with the idea of passion. I think it’s less a belief in it, than an experience of it. I think we you never get to experience something, instead of saying something wrong with us, we say there’s something wrong with the idea. Better to think there is no passion, than to think we are missing out on it for some reason.
Just my thoughts…
Yours,
Megan
June 18th, 2010 at 8:06 am
You are so right on the money, Megan. I think the people who say they don’t believe in passion and/or don’t have anything they’re passionate about is letting fear/The Vampire take over for them instead of going out & finding that thing (or things!) that light them up! If you don’t believe in passion, then you can live a very “safe” life (and you can see how I feel about being safe here).
June 18th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
It’s not Tuesday anymore, but I love this question. “Passion” has become a buzzword over the last 5-10 years, and I’ve seen so much anxiety associated with the notion of having to find that ONE thing that you want to do with the rest of your life. Put that way, passion sounds like a life-sentence in prison.
I agree with you, Michelle – passion does exist & it’s important to figure out what you want to do NOW. Hopefully it’s something that you’re passionate about right now. When you are no longer passionate about it, do something else that you’re passionate about. Monitor your exits to make sure you aren’t running away from something (running TOWARD is much more fun), and keep it moving.
Society (and that includes many of our loved-ones) likes us to be consistent because then we are easy to monitor and our behavior is easy to predict. Passion, however, requires that we be governed by our gut. Contrary to popular belief, passion is not about being reckless – it’s more reckless to squander life by settling for a passionless existence. Passion is about making the most of life by doing what really matters to you.
June 23rd, 2010 at 9:05 am
Passionate people rock.
Passion is how one goes about doing something, not what they end up doing. My passion is and always has been cheerleading. When I realized this, it didn’t seem relevant anymore. Almost like a long lost dream that was too far gone to even consider resurecting. But digging a little deeper and reflecting a bit on what’s going on now in my life, I see how cheering for other people can fit into my career goals.
I think passion is about how I feel when I think about something, how I feel when I’m doing it and how I feel when it’s done. When I’m passionate about what I’m up to, it’s evident. Giddiness ensues. I’m excited to share, connect and collaborate.
Think about the people in your life, you know what they’re passionate about (whether they do or not) right?
My mom – she’s passionate about animals and her spiritual beliefs.
My sister – photography and her home.
My husband – his patients and fishing.
My dad – his creative side. He’s a welder and when he creates something by hand, he lights up.
My 8 year old – her stories and her videos… and designing clothes.
My 7 year old – he’s passionate about gaming… and his new mohawk haircut.
and my mom’s dog… he’s passionate about chasing mice in the wood pile and finding frogs. His passion rocks my socks off! Who knew that even animals can have passion?!
I think everyone is passionate about something, or many things. I have many passions, but most of them are branches of the cheerleading tree.
Mucho love,
Carmen
July 1st, 2010 at 11:12 am
@Nicole – “Passion is about making the most of life by doing what really matters to you.” That’s so the key, ain’t it? Finding out what matters to you, & doing it/living it. “Passion” doesn’t have to be a part of that in any way unless it’s a positive, motivating word to you. You & I are alike in that we live our lives guided by our passions, but it’s not the only way. Essentially, it’s simply about living a life you love!
@Carmen – You brought up such a good point: the feelings that go along with passion. And if you don’t know yet what makes you giddy, excited, etc than it needs to be found! But I think there’s also a mistake in thinking that a passion has to be an activity or a “career” – it doesn’t. I love that your 7 year old is passionate about his mohawk haircut! As adults, we tend to think, “well, I can’t make my mohawk haircut into a career, so what good does it do me?” – but just having that passion – & deciding if/how you wanna act on it (open a haircutting place that only gives mohawks, for example) – is enough to guide you.