You’re Doing Everything Right by laurageorge

I don’t trust myself.

OK, that’s not entirely true. I trust that I’m driven. I trust that I’m smart. I trust that I’m personable. I trust that I’m loved. I trust that I’m liked. But there are things that I don’t trust. I’ve conditioned myself to not trust them. Don’t trust that great audition! You probably won’t get a callback. Don’t trust the kick-ass callback! You probably won’t get the part. Don’t trust! It’s too scary. Trust disappointment, instead.

I don’t trust that “it” will happen because I will it to. I don’t trust The Secret. I don’t trust that everything will work out. I don’t trust that I know the things I should (I hate that word!) know. I don’t trust anything beyond my control.

And therefore….I don’t trust myself. But what I realized, sitting & figuratively starting fires with Danielle LaPorte & 20 other kick-ass women last month, is that I know everything I need to in order to continue on my journey. No, I don’t have a crystal ball, but at 31 years & 10 months old (exactly, as I write this), I’ve succeeded, I’ve failed, I’ve loved, I’ve hurt, I’ve lost & I’ve gained. I could go into details but really…that’s the gist.

What I see now in my crystal ball (maybe I do have one!) is this community I’ve built. MichelleLand consists of not only the people I know & love, but people I trust, some whom I see daily & some whom I’ve never met. I realize I know everything I need to know, and if I don’t know it, I know someone who does, or someone who can find me someone who does. So y’know what I did when I left that Fire Starter session? I taped this vlog, & then I went home & unsubscribed from every newsletter by any person that didn’t live in MichelleLand. I signed up for a trillion of them when I launched When I Grow Up, coming to the conclusion that These People (y’know, the ones who Know Things) will tell me everything I should know. And it made me cluttered & slightly crazy. It sucked my time & my brain & my energy. I was done listening to what I should know. I vowed to move forward trusting what I do know, & asking for help with what I didn’t. And that’s made me see that everything that unfolds from this point on comes from trusting in MichelleLand. I can believe in the people that make up MichelleLand, and that makes me believe that I’m worthy of this trust, too.

Here are some ways to start trusting yourself:

• Think of who lives in YourNameHereLand. Danielle calls it members of your tribe – people that see the world the same as you do, even though they probably have different personality traits or different skills sets. Who do you want in Your Tribe? Make a list of the 50 people that get a seat on the bus going to YourNameHereLand, & why. You’ll soon see who’s part of your community, & the traits that new people need to get a seat on the next ride.
• Make a list of all the things you’re telling yourself you should know about Your Project or Your Goal. If you can’t replace the word “should” with “want” or “need”, cross it off the list. That’s coming from an outsider & they’re not the boss of you. Then, next to each item that remains, write the reason behind why you think you “should” or “want” or “need to” know that. If it’s anything close to, “Because I need to or else I’ll fail!”, cross it off the list. That’s just you thinking you need to know something, & it’s baloney.  If the reason is something else (ie “I want to know how to knit because I’d love to make something homemade & special for my baby niece”), then write down all the people who can help you learn. Then, ask for help. If that’s scary, offer to barter: a knitting lesson from your colleague in exchange for a make-up lesson from you. How is that not a win-win?
• Make it fun, so it’s fail-proof. I’m working on a super top secret project (details on my blog at the end of the month!) that stemmed from the need, the want, & the desire to collaborate with 3 other women who I admire to death. We formed an idea that has the potential to take the interwebs by storm. But if it doesn’t? If my Mom’s the only one that jumps on our bus? OK, I won’t lie & say we won’t be disappointed, but I know it’s going to be a huge learning experience, & a huge amount of fun, no matter the outcome. It’s been fun fleshing this out. It’s been fun putting it together. It’s been fun getting to know an incredible group of smart, ambitious, creative, funny women. There is no “failing” with this project. It’s just not possible. It’s too much fun.
• Envision yourself living the dream. I know it’s hippy-dippy of me, but I don’t care. I allow myself to see myself in Complete Success Land. I know what I eat, and how I feel, and how I look, & where I go, & who I see. Do that for yourself. Often. If that doesn’t cut it, make a vision board of it & put it someplace you see at least twice a day. Let yourself look at it. Daydream.
• Decide you don’t believe in jinxes or bad luck. There’s no such thing. It was never invented. Me? I’m a waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop girl. Something good just happened? Dont’ trust it! Something bad is right around the corner. And y’know what? I look for the Bad Thing, & I always find it. Always. What happens when you stop looking?

I know it’s tough. I know it’s scary. I know it’s weird, even. But I do know that, as artists who feel that Disappointment Vampire looming, learning to trust yourself is a key to your success. A key to your happiness.

Don’t you want to give yourself that key?

This article was in my newsletter over a month ago, as my meaty articles often are. If it doesn’t look familiar, it’s because you’re not on the list! Make yourself a VIP without the bottle charge by clicking here to subscribe.

Related posts:

1. Tough (Question) Tuesday: What can you trust about yourself/this situation?
2. Tough (Question) Tuesday: What is your Vampire saying to you, and what will you say back?
3. Die Vampire Die!

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 3rd, 2009 at 5:57 am and is filed under Frightening Fear. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.