Molly Barker, founder of AWESOME AWESOME Girls On the Run asked in her blog the other day for people to respond with what hidden secrets, fears or behaviors you had as a child still rear their ugly heads as an adult.  This happened to come across my news feed on the very same Tough (Question) Tuesday that a certain life coach was on vacation, and I thought, wow, I am getting my Tough Question anyway!  No escape!  Interestingly, this topic is one that has been swimming around in my head a LOT lately as I journey through a plethora of emotions related to my career, my life purpose, the things I love and the things I am ready to let go of, so without even a moment of pondering, I responded with the following:

Something that has been slapping me in the face recently is my sometimes inability to truly take ownership of who or what I AM.  As a young girl who was very headstrong about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I was met with a lot of people who, in retrospect, “didn’t buy it”.  I remember being very confused by the very mixed messages I got:  You can be whatever you want, but don’t say that you ARE an artist/actress/singer/dancer/writer/fill-in-the-blank, say that you aspire to be one.  The thing was, my young self wasn’t concerned with success or money or glory as much as creating and performing and how wonderful it made me feel…yet I became exceedingly self-concious and self-doubtful about whether I really “deserved” and praise or recognition or even roles in shows because, after all, I was only aspiring.  Certainly there were people who were more experienced/talented/special.

When I eventually did grow up and pursue a career in the arts, my interpretation of this missive was that I wouldn’t actually BE an actress until I reached a certain level of financial success through acting, or at least a certain milestone like a Broadway show or a feature film.  I heard, and continue to hear, “Fake it til you Make It” as a mantra, and I just wonder, at what point do you “make it”?  The most wonderful moment for me as an actor came in a show that was in a 70 seat studio, ran for 2 weeks, paid $200 and I was Ensemble Member #4.  And yet is was magic, and made me feel fulfilled as an artist in ways I never conceived of.  I can’t imagine any Broadway opening FEELING like that.  But does it mean I “made it” because I had that experience?  It’s hard for me to believe that.  I continue to aspire.

Now almost a decade and a half has passed since I moved to New York and pursued this dream and I have decided I’m tired of Faking it until I Make it.  Maybe the damage is done for me as an actress, I will continue to pursue as it passes my fancy, but I’ve decided to start fresh with a new career and NOT fake it.  I am a coach.  I am a motivator.  No one can argue that with me because I know it to be true.  I will continue to be educated and to expand my knowledge, but who I am is enough to BE, not to ASPIRE.

I think this can also apply to the folks I am trying to reach through Hit&Runners.  So very many people think that sports or fitness is ALL or NOTHING and that they can’t call themselves a RUNNER or a MARTIAL ARTIST or an ATHLETE.  But there are an awful lot of stages between ALL or NOTHING.  As far as I am concerned, anyone who goes outside with the purpose of going a little farther or a little faster than the last time is an athlete.  If you are picking it up into a jog, you are a runner.  You may be a beginner!  But you ARE.  Taking ownership of what you are doing is an unbe-HA-LIEVABLE motivator!

Listen, like I wrote to Molly, my whole life by my parents, my family, my teachers, my friends and my martial arts instructors I have been taught modesty.  There’s nothing wrong with being humble.  But if modesty and humility get in the way of our own self-worth, we’ve gone too far.  So take whatever it is you know you are in your heart and introduce it to your head. Shun the non-believers. (First person to go on my blog and tell me where that last line is from gets a free fitness email consultation and evaluation with me).

You can find Coach Andi currently at Hit&Runners, as well as via email at andiwhaley(at)yahoo(dot)com & on the phone at 1.646.234.5908. Did you see the free evaluation offer above? Contact her, people! You can thank me later.

Related posts:

1. Link Love: Sept 2009
2. I’m a Hit & Runner with a Daily Whip!
3. “How is this my life?”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 9:14 am and is filed under Clear Careers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.