Ask The When I Grow Up Coach: Why do you think you never made it “big” in musical theater?
City of Lights/Times Square by Jason Gluskin
It’s been awhile, but it’s time for another installment of Ask the When I Grow Up Coach! In this series, I pick one of the questions that have been posed on Formspring (or sent to me directly) to feature here, until there are no questions left! Disclaimer: A few of the questions that have been posted are from other coaches or would-be coaches. While I’m absolutely happy to share my story and offer any advice I have on being a coach, I’m only gonna post the questions that can be applied more universally. Hope that’s helpful!
Here’s a juicy question that arrived in my Inbox which, I admit, shook me up a bit:
I wanted to ask why do you think you never made it “big” in musical theater? I’d wager if you did, you would still be doing THAT. I’m asking so I know what to tell my young friends who love the arts. It is hard, it is competitive, but SOMONE has to make it. How do you know its going to be you? How do you know it is not? And it is always sad when someone gives up a dream for reality because they were not the chosen one…And how can your services help those who might have had the same dreams you had? Your insight would be lovely…
This question has stuck in my head since you asked it – thanks so much for the food for thought!
There are no guarantees in this life. Sure, I could’ve stuck with pursuing acting as a business, and who knows where I would be now or what the future would look like – Broadway, regional theater, summer stock, cruise ships, commercials, movies, etc. But I also could have been doing that while working restaurant jobs, or temping, or renting apartments in NYC like I did for two years (and quickly burned myself out on). The bottom line for me was that I was no longer happy doing that in the short-term, and looking ahead to the long-term I didn’t like what I saw. I felt sitting around for 8 hours during an open call to sing 8-16 bars (or get typed!) wasn’t a worthwhile use of my time (the phrase “wasting my life” came into my head more than once). The performance opportunities I was being given weren’t always a good time (there’s lots of bad/poorly run theater, whether inside or outside NYC), and I didn’t like how it affected my personal life – being given notice sometimes 24-48 hours before a gig that lasted for months, having to be separated from my family/home/friends for months at a time, missing lots of important life events (my brother’s high school graduation, et al) because of my performance schedule, etc.
When I was 19, I was an intern at a summer stock theater and was working alongside actors in their 30s-60s. I remember trying to put myself in their shoes and asking if I would be happy to be there then – when I was 30, 40, 50, 60 – and I remember responding, “Yes!”, emphatically. That’s when you know you have to do it. That’s when you know you can’t walk away from The Dream, no matter how much rejection you face or how many hours you “waste” in an audition room or how much money you spend on voice lessons, acting classes, headshots, yada yada yada. That’s when it’s worth fighting for, when the good outweighs the bad, when you know you have to keep trying.
I remember teacher after teacher saying to class after class, “If you can do anything else, go do it. Only do this if you can’t picture any other way.” For years and years and years I couldn’t picture any other way. Until I could.
I feel like it takes more strength to realize that what you’re doing – what you’ve been doing for years and years and years – isn’t working any longer, and you don’t see it working in the near-to-far-ish future. It takes more strength to get yourself out of old habits, to admit it’s no longer what you want, to grieve for that life, to be a statistc of The Biz. The only reason I don’t regret it was because it was my choice. I didn’t make it too late, or too soon – and it took me a year to listen to it, to take it seriously, to accept it – and I’m thankful for all that it gave me.
I still perform (I’m part of a cabaret next month), and also found new ways to express myself – writing, speaking, playing the ukelele, even being an entrepreneur is a creative playground for me. And who knows? I might get out of bed in 5, 10, 15, 20 years and decide to pursue performing again, and can still have my Broadway moment. But for now, this is where I’m at because this is where I belong. This is where I wanna be. And when it’s not? I’ll discover it all over again.
In regards of my services, they can help in a few ways. Life coaching is all about clarity, and I know I help my clients figure out what it is they wanna do when they grow up. Do they want to go full-force into The Artistic Life (whatever that means to them)? If so, we can work together to figure out how to make it happen, based on their strengths, their values, their priorities and what works for them. If not, we can work together to figure out what could be a new passionate career (again, based on their strengths/values/priorities/needs/interests) and, if they want, how The Artistic Life could still come into play for them. The annoying thing about working with me is that I always believe there’s an answer – it’s just a matter of finding it.
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Tags: Ask The When I Grow Up Coach, Meaningful Mindsets, Michelle's Memoirs
August 25th, 2011 at 6:52 am
Gah! Perfectly stated Michelle. I couldn't agree more!!
August 25th, 2011 at 7:11 pm
I love this so much. And I also love that you said that your dream job can change – we don't need to be tied into one career for the rest of our lives! Thank you for sharing your story.
August 26th, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Very well said! It really does come down to what's right for you.
August 30th, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Love this!
September 1st, 2011 at 10:37 am
Blargg, such a good post! Thank you for sharing
September 1st, 2011 at 10:40 am
This is brilliant! And so important for people who may be later along in life (i.e. 30+ and older) who have dedicated themselves to a path that isn't jiving with their passions…but feel obligated to stay because they invested so many years in it. It took me until age 30 to find the path that makes my soul sing…age or the amount of years you've put into a career path doesn't mean squat if what you're doing is making you miserable. The majority of us are "Renaissance Souls" and shouldn't fear change when the time is right!
Brilliant as usual, Coach!
September 1st, 2011 at 10:42 am
I know how this feels! I had to face the same thing as a musician. Giving up a career as a vocalist was a heart wrenching one but I was happy when I sang–it didn't matter where. What I wasn't happy with was huffy prima donnas, drugged out band mates, spending tons on equipment to earn $30 for a gig, etc.
Also, why do we have to "make it big" to achieve our dreams. We don't have to be the best, most famous, wealthiest at what we do to be happy. That's the biggest misperception messing us up (not just artists). You don't have to be the biggest and baddest to be happy and fulfilled at what you do and you don't have to do the same thing for a lifetime to be accomplished as a person. Being happy–now that's success! Great post!
September 1st, 2011 at 10:43 am
Go you for fielding this question! I would add that, simply stated, what success is about, and what your services are about, is that THERE IS NO "FALLBACK" career. Identify what you're most passionate about and do the crap out of it, full on, 100 percent. Whatever comes of that IS your success, that IS making it "big." And if the day comes that you're no longer passionate enough to do the crap out of it, find something else that drives you to be fully immersed in your work/play/bliss.
September 1st, 2011 at 11:06 am
Thanks for posting this. I think I will link this post into my blog, and write a bit about this concept myself…because as a music theatre professional with a story almost identical to yours, I get told ALL the time, "it is really just so sad to see you give up on your dream". Very hard to explain that once my dream came true, it resembled more of a nightmare. I've stopped loving it, period. My husband – also an actor – hasn't stopped loving it. Two different people with the same levels of industry success, feeling two different ways about it. Thus our individual paths.
This doesn't mean that theatre doesn't color everything I do in my new career paths. It also has unfolded that, now that I don't HAVE to get the part in order to pay my mortgage, the desire to be on stage has returned. Ideally, I will do a contract every now and then, just to feed that part of myself, and weave it into a fabric of many different creative income streams. Because, you're right Michelle, if you can see yourself doing anything else, do it. My husband will take his last breathe on stage, but I want to die knowing I have done it ALL:-)
September 1st, 2011 at 11:53 am
Thankyou so much for posting my question because I am so excited to read the various responses. This has helped a lot.
September 1st, 2011 at 5:30 pm
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post Michelle! We renaissance souls are allowed to change directions
September 2nd, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Beautiful, Michelle
This makes so much sense, I completely agree with you!
As long as we live as we choose, there can be no regrets.
There's no such thing as too soon or too late.
From every stage in my journey I've learned a lot, so there is no waste of time.
Thanks for the great post!
September 5th, 2011 at 9:29 am
I loved not only the question but your answer. Life is so much easier when we make the choice to change.
September 5th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
SUCH a great point, Lauren! Nothing makes me sadder/frustrated-er than seeing someone standing still just because they've had a lot of experience/education in that place – even if their heart/mind/spirit is elsewhere. Makes me wanna shake 'em/give 'em a big hug!
September 5th, 2011 at 5:01 pm
You're so right! I think "making it big" means so many different things to so many different people. To me, it meant performing on a Broadway stage and being able to make a living as a performer – no fame or my-name-above-the-title wishes, although I did have a winning-a-Tony fantasy or twelve
And thanks for sharing your singing story, Shennandoah. Man, those $30 gigs are so tough, huh! How I wish I wasn't a grown-up sometimes….
September 5th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I semi-agree, Meg
I don't think it's bad, per se, to have a Plan B, or to know what's gonna make you the most comfortable/confident so you can pursue Plan A with guns blazing. But yes, it's not the best move to know something "safe" is right around the corner, waiting to keep ya all cozy (and not in a good way).
September 5th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Ooh, I think it's so interesting to hear about the Two Roads that you and your husband decided to take. It also makes me wanna come up with a response to those who tell you it's "sad to see you give up on your dream" – although I get The Outside World's reaction to seeing someone pursue a dream for years & years only to….not. They see us as quitters, although it's quite the contrary!
And yes, I know that – when it's time to leave city life and go buy a house somewhere – I'll make sure there's a community theater nearby to be a part of. It's still in my blood!
September 5th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
"As long as we live as we choose, there can be no regrets." Thanks for putting that so succinctly and inspiring-ly, Tania!
September 5th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
True! Although making the choice to change is sometimes the hardest thing to do…:)
February 7th, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Thanks, this makes a lot of sense. I dd a similar thing. I was a music major at a top top top classical music conservatory, and I … couldn't see myself doing it anymore. I do miss playing, and I wish there was a way to incorporate it into my current life. But I wouldn't change my current life. And that's the point.
February 15th, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Yes, exactly! But don't stop thinking, Genevievve, as to how you can keep playing, even if it's just for you. It's how I picked up the ukulele – so I can play and sing whenever I wanted, on a stage or not!