Tough (Question) Tuesday: What are you afraid of?
Such a simple question, and yet…I’ve never asked it, and this is Tough (Question) Tuesday Installment 91. (Yes, 91)
I think I finally thought of this one because I started thinking about the new year today, and how 2011 is right around the corner, and how I feel that my business is going to look differently then. Of course, I’m talking about it like I have no control over what it looks like, and of course, I do. I’m the one pulling the strings, and I can decide how/if/when/why it takes a new shape. But while I know what’s working and what’s broken, I feel a bit stuck. Scared. I’m not sure what to do first/next, what’s right for me, what’ll work for my future clients, how I can better serve my current and past client. I’m not looking for “expert” advice – I just want to have a better sense of my own compass, and what will build on my wins.
I’ll join you in the comments in answering:
“What are you afraid of?”
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Tags: Tough (Question) Tuesday
October 5th, 2010 at 12:52 am
Fear is one of those things that really needs to be grabbed by the horns. Maybe we delay too long allowing the fear to build it's strength up.
For me, I'm in a similar boat. I know what's working and I now what's broken. But I'm not afraid of how to fix it though.
I am undertaking some entirely new ventures. I'm afraid of attempting things in areas that are brand new to me. That being said, when I feel the resistance, the pull, the fear, creeping in to my life, this is also the same time I feel like I'm on track.
Feel the resistance, go with it.
Thanks for asking the tough questions.
October 5th, 2010 at 3:07 am
HI Michelle and fellows readers!
This is the question I ask to myself all the time. I can't decide which way to take, what to do or how to do it and always this question comes to my head. Even I don't know the answer yet I tell to myself I don't have to be afraid.
Maybe it's about being afraid to fail, to make mistakes, to the unknown, etc, etc, etc. The thing is how we face those things in order to learn and keep moving.
October 5th, 2010 at 4:20 am
@Noah – So, so true. I absolutely think that fear is a gift – it tells us what to watch out for, what might get in our way, and that, yes, what we're scared of is probably important to us (otherwise, why the fear?). I always say that when you feel a similar amount of fear and excitement, then you're on the right path.
@Maite – Such a good point! And I have to follow it up with the question, "What's the worst that can happen?" (maybe the Tough Question for next Tuesday!). Is you fail, what's the worst that could happen? If you make a mistake, what's the worst that can happen? Usually that puts things in perspective, because I realistically know I won't end up a bag lady on the street no matter what!
As for me, I'm definitely afraid of making the "wrong" decision. Of working real real hard on something, and having it just, well, sit there, nobody caring about it. I'm scared to change the structure of my business (offer more group sessions, fewer private sessions, throw some speaking gigs in there, have a few e-books) and have all the, well, magic go away! And it's funny because I really really put out into the world that I no longer believe in luck or jinxes, and yet I'm still afraid that everyone's gonna go away if I change this "magic" formula. But what I'm not afraid of is trusting my compass/gut, and once I really hone into it I'll be ready to take action sans big-time fear.
October 5th, 2010 at 4:25 am
I'm afraid of the finished product and the final moment. This is why I procrastinate. What if there is nothing else I want to do when it's done? What if I'm disappointed in the results? What if the end is empty? It's so much easier to have a handful (or more) of unfinished things than be faced with the possibility of the nothing-ness of completion, or worse, the bad grade after all the effort of studying for the test.
October 5th, 2010 at 5:20 am
@Michelle – the magic is in words like "amazeballs", not in a cargo-cult formula. IOW: You have to remind yourself that YOU are the magic, not the structure of your life.
Though, I won't deny having the exact same fear.
I'm afraid of lots of things. My partner being hit by a bus. Losing his (really, seriously, quite secure) job. Never finding my space, or living a "short and brutish" life.
More realistically, for my current space, I'm afraid of planning menus. It almost never works out for me. I'm afraid I'm investing a lot of effort and energy into something that someone else can shut down with a letter. That I'm somehow going the "wrong" direction (or making the wrong decision).
October 5th, 2010 at 6:24 am
Failure.
Running out of Time.
Not Living up to my Full Potential.
October 5th, 2010 at 7:10 am
Michelle, yes. Fear is a gift … the "right" kind of fear. The kind that says we're on the right track, we're doing something that matters. There's another kind of fear. It's the irrational kind. The Vampires.
I'm afraid of failure, but bigger than that is a fear of success. I think I fear success because of it's implications. Can I sustain that success? What expectations come with it? What if I get there and I'm "not good enough?" What if I get there and I don't want it.
Those are my fears.
October 5th, 2010 at 9:02 am
I think my fear is two-fold. What if I take this path and it's not everything I hoped for. What if it doesn't bring me the joy and peace and excitement and fire I longed for. I imagine it like baking a soufflé and once the timer goes off and my mouth is watering I open the oven door and it's fallen flat. But even worse is what if it is everything I hoped for but I'm just not good enough. What if my work doesn't speak to someone or heal someone. What if I'm the flat soufflé? YIKES!
October 5th, 2010 at 10:34 am
This probably isn't a great day for me to answer this, but I'd say my fear is moving backwards. Pedaling forward with no motion and in fact losing momentum and progress and having to take two steps back.
I'm also afraid of this economy.
October 6th, 2010 at 3:10 am
I'm afraid of taking a risk and making a move and then being left with nothing. It would be financially devastating if I lost my job as "family breadwinner." So while I want to try new things – and I think I'd be good at these "things," if it didn't work out or if the stupid current economy resulted in a position elimination – Oh how skrooed we'd be.
So I am afraid of taking risks because it's not fair to my family to risk our livelihood for my own petty dissatisfaction.
Am I making sense here?
October 6th, 2010 at 9:51 am
I am afraid of being judged as "fine" or "okay." It's as though I can't even start to develop my vision because it might be completely uninteresting to anyone but me. I hate those vampires! I know this fear isn't true because I have always seen the world in a unique way. My little creative works have been validated by others saying "you made me see that in a completely new way I never would have imagined" but I still have to keep reminding myself and trusting myself more deeply. It is comforting to know that lots of other people (here) feel similar fears. It is hard to cast off the expectations of others and focus on what will make me happy & fulfilled.
October 7th, 2010 at 6:57 am
@Margot – Oh, those "What if…"s can kill ya, right? I think it's interesting that you say it's "easier" to have a lot of half-finished things rather than a "bad"/disappointing finished product. Is it, though? Are the "what if"s worse than knowing you tried, even if the final grade falls under an A?
@Natasha – Thank you, thank you for that. "You are the magic" – I'm going to remember that. I think I do believe that, which is why I truly do trust my compass…but when that compass doesn't know exactly where to point me, there's where the fear comes in. And I love that you put "wrong" in quotes. It makes me think you don't believe that it's true. Even if you fail at making the recipes, would the journey have been wrong?
@Nailah – Me too, me too! I think they're universal fears, but get even scarier when you really ARE putting your authentic all out there. It makes failure that much more scary.
@Deanna – Ah, the fear of success – it seems so silly but is so valid! I think that, failure or success, it boils down to being scared of change. We humans put a lot of effort in making sure everything stays exactly the same! But change is where you grow, right? Still – scary stuff.
@Chelsea – Ohmygosh, the double-sidedness (is that a word? I don't think so, but I'm going with it) of this fear: of putting your all into it and (a) not having it be what you thought it would be or (b) not measuring up. I think those fears totally show you what your roadblocks are, and where you need to put your effort (essentially, researching the thing you think you wanna do to make sure, as best you can, that it'll truly be what you think it is and building up your self-confidence/knowledge about whatever it is you're gonna be doing). What do you think?
@Maggie – Girl, you working your butt off! You're doing more than most peeps I know! Is that fear of moving backwards one that's based in anything that's true? The economy's another story, though…
@Stacey – Yes, totally totally totally. But I have to ask: is your dissatisfaction really so "petty"? Maybe there's a way that trying new things could be less risky/consequential than you might think.
@Addie – That's what The Declaration of You is for (hehe – sorry, blatant self-promotion there for a second). It seems like you know that this belief – that others won't be interested in your view/work – is totally untrue. Keep reminding yourself that you might not get through to everyone, but it seems like you're making a difference with peeps that DO get you. Such good stuff.