Tough (Question) Tuesday: What is “enough”?
Flying Girl Gets a Gift or I Am Enough by Rowena Murillo
Lately, I’ve been hearing the word “enough” over and over in the mouths/words of my clients. As in:
“I didn’t do enough.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“It wasn’t enough.”
So I must ask, for you:
What is “enough”?
I’ll be in the comments section this morning with my answer. It’ll be enough if you join me! (ba dum bum)
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Tags: Tough (Question) Tuesday
September 7th, 2010 at 3:16 am
For me, "enough" is, well, when I say it is. Usually it's when my brain decides to shut down or my timer goes off (I can't usually work on anything for longer than an hour without getting the itchies) or my husband walks in the door. It's learning that not everything gets an A+ for effort (some things get a C!). But above all, "enough" is meeting my own standards, values, and priorities. I take a listen within to hear it say, "enough".
September 7th, 2010 at 4:20 am
I think this question is especially hard for women to answer — probably more so for women with children and families to look after. It seems like there's always something to do or someone to take *a little more* care of.
I've really had to give myself a break by calling my enoughs earlier in the game. By knowing that I'm a human being and that I have my limits. And by realizing that I'm doing my best. And that my best is certainly good enough.
So, like you, Michelle, I think my enough is when I say it is. But I had to work on setting those limits and giving myself a break. Why are we always so hard on ourselves? Jeesh!
September 7th, 2010 at 10:36 am
I am one of those client that has said that recently–and it is something that I struggle with a lot–feeling like I am not doing "enough" or that I simply AM not enough. When I list out everything that I do, I am amazed that I can still feel this way, but it is a real feeling (and a fear) that I confront almost daily. In moments of more clarity, I would say that "enough" is what I can do at that time.
September 7th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
@Tiffany – You're so right. We're such caretakers, it's tough to allow us to take care of ourselves and feel like it's "enough." Time to be our own best friend as hippy-dippy as that sounds & treat ourselves as such!
@Lisa – I like this, because it leads to a really tangible question you can ask yourself during times like this: "Is this what I can do at this time?" Allow yourself to say "Yes" when you mean it, and allow it to be "enough."
September 7th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I just found your blog through BYW, and it's so great! Look forward to talking with you more =D
xoxo
September 7th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
Oooo – I like this one Michelle (I've never commented before, but I still read your stuff!) – I once had a voice teacher who noticed when he asked how I'd done at an audition I was never satisfied, and asked what WOULD have made me think I did well, and it forced me to start setting specific goals so that I could say "if I hit this note today, I've done well" instead of facing a mountain of "I want to be a star!", I was facing a few steps on the trail… my vampires would still of course, tell me I could do better, but I had done well ENOUGH for that day. Now that my path is wandering, I'm focusing on accepting that I am enough as is… having released that industry mantra of "never good enough" is more freeing than I could ever have imagined…..
. But I still find myself wanting to do a zillion things and go in a zillion directions and am trying to just release expectations and let myself know that sometimes its okay to just, well, be.
September 8th, 2010 at 12:40 am
Fantastic question! I think finding the place where we feel like we are enough is an ongoing challenge throughout our lives. For me, there are times that I feel like I'm doing enough to be the best version of me I can be and then there are other times when I don't feel like I'm living up to that promise. It is a great reminder to just BE ENOUGH consistently and stop the emotional pendulum.
September 8th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
hmmmm. good question.
when it comes to possessions…enough is not really much at all. i've certainly got more enough!!
when it comes to time… i'm not sure there's ever enough!
and when it comes to…did i do enough? hm, maybe not ever once the question is asked…
September 8th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
I find myself often wondering some of these questions about enough—especially: did I work hard enough? Try hard enough? I think we all use the word "enough" too much, or worry about the concept too much. It seems to mainly be a comparison word—a way we try to judge ourselves against everyone else. If I was to re-define enough, it would be something more like what many of you have said here: it is enough to love who you are, as you are and stop trying to judge each and every action against something else. I agree Michelle, that some days the effort will be an A+ and other days a C, and we are all doing the best we can. And can't that be enough?
September 9th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Wow. Thanks for sharing my print. I haven't checked my google reader in a couple days and here this was. What a nice treat.
But as for what is enough? Sometimes I think I am not ever enough of anything, always falling short of every mark.
Then other times, I remember that poem by Mary Oliver, "Wild Geese"
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
and then I remember that everybody is enough, just the way they are, imperfectly.
September 12th, 2010 at 11:43 am
@Rowena — I love that Mary Oliver poem too.
"Enough" is definitely a continual struggle for a perfectionist like me. Although in some areas it comes quite naturally — a rooted feeling of being finished and ready to move on comes somewhat easily in creative endeavors.
In work and home and family matters it is harder to find that point where there is satisfaction in a job "well done."
September 15th, 2010 at 1:38 am
Never enough — that's my motto. Bring it on, pack it in:-)
September 23rd, 2010 at 9:54 am
@Violet – And you as well! I haven't been in BYW for a while, but I plan on heading back tonight/tomorrow/this weekend & catch up! I'll keep my eyes open for ya
@Marcia – So great hearing from you, and the words of wisdom from that smarty pants voice teacher! Love the idea of having your own personal (small-ish) goal be the main goal as opposed to something big/scary/overwhelming like "Book the part!" And it's always OK to "just be" – promise
@Jennie – You bring up such a great point about "enough" being a choice – your choice. So empowering, and such a great place to come from!
@Kerri – So interesting to think of your definitions regarding different aspects of "enough", and how it changes. I think it's worth playing the game of, "What if there is enough time/effort/stuff?" What then?
@Nicole – What's crazy is that we never really know what/who we're comparing ourselves too, right? That blows my mind.
@Rowena – You're most welcome – thanks for creating it!
And thank you, too, for sharing that poem. It's a new one for me that I haven't heard before, and I (& the soft animal of my body) love it. We are all enough!
@Addie – I wonder how you can take the barometer of what's "enough" in your creative work and apply it to the places you struggle with. There has to be a connection there…
@Maryam – That sounds so exhausting! Are you one of those morning people I've heard so much about?