Tough (Question) Tuesday: How do you not fit in?
As the year winds down & I’m thinking of what I want 2010 to look like, I’ve become very focused on how I’m different from The Pact, & how I can express that so that it’s noticeably obvious to everyone. It’s tougher than it seems, as most of us spend our whole lives (at least our childhood) trying to not seem “weird” or “quirky” or whatever other wonderful adjective the world at large doeesn’t embrace.
So let me ask you today:
How do you not fit in?
I’ll be exposing my quirks (I love my quirks!) in the comments section. Hope to see you there!
Tags: Tough (Question) Tuesday
December 22nd, 2009 at 3:19 am
I actually find myself pausing before answering this question because it does totally leave me exposed and vulnerable. The simple answer is that I see, hear and know things that other people don't. When people ask me how I do it, it's like answering how one "is" – elusive and very difficult to explain. As I've gotten older, I've accepted this quirk or gift much more readily and been able to align myself with people who do not think it so strange but rather something unique and to be treasured. I found a way to grow into my skin and realize that it's such an intricate part of me that I couldn't imagine life any other way.
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:07 am
It's funny your comment about being young and unaccepting, because, watching my four kids, I find that their young friends are very accepting, even relieved, when their peers are as quirky as they are – especially as young adolescents. It's the parents who can learn to be a bit tolerant
I don't fit in because I'm freakishly tall (almost 6') and large (think big-boned), with a big belly laugh (even when the belly was small), opinions I rarely keep to myself (but only if asked), a large family (who in their right mind, in this day and age, has four kids, seriously … they huff and puff at me), a functioning moral compass (who knew that was ever going to happen) and a low tolerance for bull s**t.
I really think with the overwhelming success of shows with odd characters, like Glee, will make it easier for kids to be quirky and different. Thank goodness!
Me? I'm not outside the fringes of normal enough to be considered different and I'm okay with that. But, I do celebrate the individuality of my kids and all the creative-types with whom I surround myself daily
Fingers crossed it rubs off!
Have a wonderful Tuesday!
December 22nd, 2009 at 6:00 am
As for me, my clothes/style definitely doesn't fit in, depending where I am & who I'm with. My old college roommate told me that she & our friend would go into my closet to "look at all the colors." I think I own 4 black articles of clothing, & my recent purchase of a brown purse made me fear that it was "boring."
This is tough to articulate, but I think I also don't fit in because, well, I don't try to fit in. I totally own who I am – offbeat, "weird", loud, funny, sarcastic, enthusiastic, energetic, "tough" – & don't try to cover it up any longer. There was a time when I was right out of acting school that I did my best to "look pretty, sing pretty" along with the hundreds of other 20-something year old girls that were there to do the same. It was only when I embraced the Loud & Funny that I started coming into my own. I carry that lesson around in my front pocket.
@Shayla – Wow, a real sixth sense! That's awesome. I love that you're not able to own it & to be proud of it. Isn't it all about surrounding yourself with those that value it, or appreciate it, or at least respond with, "That's so cool!" Anyone who doesn't can shove it or can be pitied, as they must not be too comfortable in their own skin.
@Lee – I'm glad to hear that things have changed since I was a kid! Or ya know, scratch that – I did find acceptance in my own group & was never bullied for my Debbie Gibson hat or for listening to the cast recording of "Miss Saigon" over & over (& over!) again at sleepaway camp until it got warped & my Mom had to FedEx another one. And Glee wasn't even around then!
Wait, are you saying that you're 6' belly laugh & abundance of opinions isn't considered different? I think I smell some BS with that one
What I love about you, though, Lee, is that you own it & embrace it without making apologies. It really is about owning who you are & being comfortable in your own (6'!) skin!
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:47 am
In my day-job, I definitely don't fit in because of age. I'm 24. The average (AVERAGE) age at my company is like 53. Almost everyone on my floor has kids my age (or only a few years younger). Some have grandchildren close to my age. Therefore, it is assumed that I know everything about computers, that crazy internet, how every cell phone works (um, I had to learn mine too, ya know!). Although everyone assumes that I'm older than I am, by about 5 years. Oh except the time I gave a presentation and one of the audience questions was how old I was because I looked like I should be in high school. Almost asked her HER age cause she looked like she belonged in a nursing home, but I bit my tongue.
However, age isn't a "quirk" so to speak. I would say that I'm extremely old-fashioned. In a Leave it to Beaver, ask my dad permission to marry, hold my doors open, you bring home the bacon and I'll can some preserves kind of way. Which is off-putting to some of my girlfriends who are VERY career-driven. I'm not. I want to be creative, and I'd like to make a living, sure. But I would love to do that while staying home and ironing dinner napkins with a baby on my hip. So I'm the resident Martha homemaker type. Ironic, since my man was laid off and I'm now the sole breadwinner in our home. Now I come home to my honey making dinner in a clean house. All I need is a martini waiting for me when I get home from the office and we ARE living in Leave it to Beaver (the Twilight Zone version).
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 am
Wow, sorry for writing a freaking novel. My blogging vacay has my fingers already itching for the keyboard it seems!
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Magchunk – I love your friggin' novel! Don't you dare apologize for it. I love the thought of your husband waiting for you at the door with a martini, vacuuming around your feet with a ham in the over. And how awesome it'll be for you when the roles are reversed! Never apologize for your Leave It to Beaver ways!
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@Michelle LOL I think you meant able to own it! But thank you, it was a long time coming for me and it's awesome to find so many people are truly accepting and wanting to learn how to access that piece of the "knowing" them. As for your quirks, they are so amazingly part of you and what makes you special! Black and brown are highly over-rated and your ability to look past fear, whether it is color or opinion or anything else is what makes you amazing at your calling. Also, I am so happy that Holly blogged about your blog! It is so nice to find you!
@Lee I have 5 children and my sister just gave birth to number 6! So you're right, we are a bit of an anomoly (sp?) most days. I always have been of the opinion that the world would be very boring to look at if we were all visually the same height, weight, bone structure, etc. The media has placed far too much emphasis on "looks" which has caused a myriad of disorders in the past years. Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
@Magchunk The fact that you value other priorities only makes you truly unique in my eyes. It's the way we were supposed to be raised way back when – when common courtesy and manners were expected and the opposite was not readily excused… good for you!
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Wow, this is such an interesting question, and the answers are equally as interesting. I really identify with the idea of trying to fit in as a kid–I always felt like I was a tremendous weirdo—I actually liked to learn in high school, which does really not get you invited to a whole lot of parties.
As for now, some ways that I don't fit in are: I'm very reserved when I first meet people (in person, more than in the blogosphere)—it takes me a while to warm up, I dress mostly for function, not fashion (I do like clothes, but my lifestyle is really more geared towards being comfortable for bike riding, lounging, etc), I like to spend a lot of time by myself, I reject the idea that work must be painful. I suppose that the last one especially actually makes me fit in here, but in life in general, I find mostly people do not believe this. I point out the first three things because I've found that a lot of people expect the opposite, although I have certainly met people with these similar traits.
December 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
@Shayla – Thanks for your follow-up comment! Love that you addressed everyone else too. I love when my readers become friends! And yes, I did mean that you ARE able to own it. Seriously, yesterday was ridiculous in terms of, um, using my brain
@Blue – You made me laugh with the whole "I actually liked to learn in high school". Ain't it amazing that it's something to be embraced & admired as an adult, but as a kid it makes you a "nerd"! And amen to believing that "work" doesn't have to be "work" (my Dad would say "Otherwise they wouldn't call it work!"). I think that's why, when I go to my desk job, I say "I'm going to work" & when I coach I say "I'm going to coach." Besides, it would be weird to say, "I'm off to my passion now! See you at 6p!"