Tough (Question) Tuesday: How can you accept what’s beyond your control?
storm by artsyville
I’m not gonna sugarcoat it: This week sucks. We’ve been packing for weeks to move out of our rental apartment (lease is up on Saturday!), & have been going back & forth since Oct 8th as to the closing date of our new apartment. At first we thought we’d close the week of Oct 19th. Then it was the week of Nov 9th. Then it was Oct 28th. Now it’s the week of the 2nd. There’s still no date set & nothing firm in site. The bad hours make me wonder why I still have hair (haven’t I ripped it out by now?), while the good hours make me think, “I’m healthy & have someone awesome to go through this with & I’ll always have a roof over my head. Stop being a baby.”
But it boils down to this: How can you accept what’s beyond your control?
If you’ve learned this lesson yet, please share in the comments section (please! I beg you!). If you’re facing something beyond your control, join me in trying to piece together how to accept it/not wind up bald.
Tags: Tough (Question) Tuesday
October 27th, 2009 at 4:56 am
I drafted this yesterday afternoon, & had my coaching session last night. Here's what came out of it:
* Allowing myself to wallow/be a baby when I'm alone or with Luke, as long as he is OK giving up the wallowing/being a baby for a little while. We have to switch off. It's only fair.
* Allowing myself to still think of the apartment as "ours" & to do the fun stuff that goes along with it (namely, looking at home decor blogs & planning what ours will be painted/look like). Part of me wants to avoid it because it makes me sad (because there's no date when the fun starts!), but moving forward & the planning keeps me positive. I need the positive to get through this limbo time.
Your turn!
October 27th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Yes, yes, and yes, AND…SELF CARE. In the face of what you CAN'T control, you CAN always control your ability to breathe deeply and consciously, allow yourself time for physical attentiveness (workouts, yoga, snuggle time w/ your honey, etc.), take time out (even if it's just going out for a latte and sitting in a coffee shop people-watching for 15 minutes in the midst of the chaos), and whatever else works for you.
OH! And one other EXCELLENT piece of advice a dear friend gave me recently in the midst of my own can't-contro-this-HEEEELP experience: stay present! And I've totally co-opted her mantra for this: "Your job is to keep your head where your feet are. Period."
Aaaah…that always allows me just to breathe and settle down.
Anyway, know that I'm thinking of you, and that (thankfully) time DOES tick by, and before you know it, you'll be all settled in to your fabulous new space. Meanwhile, today is today and it's bringing you mucho abundance.
Big hugs to you, Michelle!
October 27th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Self care, Yes! I forgot that one, Laura! I spoke about that with my coach, too. My Me Time has flown out the window because (a) I don't have room in my apt to do my yoga any longer & (b) it's fairly impossible to feel "relaxed" or that I can take a "time out" in the boxed-up (literally) environment that I'm in. I will absolutely go back to honoring my Me Time, even if it's escaping to the bathroom (no boxes – yet!) & taking a bubble bath while reading a book.
“Your job is to keep your head where your feet are” is a kick-ass mantra. I'll definitely keep it in mind.
Thanks for your comment/advice & the hugs, Laura! They totally helped.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Oh Michelle – you're not alone. I think there are plenty of us who push when things aren't moving fast enough. Here's how I cope:
- I stop and accept that for whatever reason, things aren't moving and there's probably a good reason even if I can't fathom it.
- I take a deep breath.
- I reaffirm my commitment to whatever it is I want to happen and speak in positive statements.
- I focus on what IS under my control.
- I trust that everything works out just as it should and at the perfect time.
- And then I indulge in some chocolate.
October 27th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Thanks, Tara. All super great tips. I'm really doing a lot better today, with my "que sera sera" attitude & moving along with the plan as it stands, even though there's no End to the plan (how long am I going to be "homeless"? How much underwear should I pack? yada yada yada). Trust in general is something I've been working through, & the hippie in me is saying that this is just a test of my trust.
The chocolate works, too
October 27th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Aha, a question for the readers
You let go of the exaggerated belief that says: "I must control everything. My life Must be smooth." You replace it with something without the MUST. Once you get this new kind of thinking intro your head, letting go becomes easy.
Eduard
October 27th, 2009 at 11:14 am
That pesky "must"! Almost as bad as the rude "should". Maybe equally as bad. Or worse!
Thanks for the tip, Eduard! I guess I should learn to enjoy the bumpy ride…