“Money is Payment for…”?
This article originally appeared in my 9th newsletter, “mailed” on 9/3. If you didn’t get it, you’re missing out on total awesomeness. Sign up here & let the awesomeness in.
As a struggling actress, I knew that in order to feed/clothe myself & keep a roof over my head, I had to take as many day jobs as I had limbs. These day jobs equaled money, and comfort, and a Girls Night Out or two. Even though I was auditioning every spare second I had, and taking almost every acting job that was offered to me, those gigs never (I repeat: NEVER) paid the rent. When I think back on the 5 years post-collage that I focusing on acting, there are only two jobs that I can recollect that actually paid my bills. One was 8 months on a cruise ship, where the $500 or so I was getting paid a week seemed like $1,000,000, while the other was 3 months in Key West (although I did work as a waitress for a whole day – I left because I had to deliver food to the nudist bar in town & they didn’t even tip!). I didn’t have to supplement those jobs with any other jobs. I could live on them & them alone.
For the other gigs – the ones that didn’t pay the rent -I got paid in reviews. Or MetroCards. Or checks that came out to $100/wk (if I was lucky). Or in kind words. Or in the hope of a new connection. Or in fun & friends. I also got paid in blood, sweat, tears & embarrassment more than once (or twice or ten times). Probably the most financially rewarding gigs were the ones I did as an AFTRA extra, but those were unreliable. So, what did I rely on while I was pounding the pavement? Cashiering at Barnes & Noble, dressing up in big-headed costumes for events (I even appeared on Good Morning America as a life-size 1-800-FLOWERS gift box), being a hostess, an office manager, a casting assistant, a data entry person, a movie premiere usher/willcaller/greeter, another hostess, a waitress, a temp secretary, a temporary tattoo artist, an apartment show-er, a Carmen Miranda appearance person, a real estate agent…I think that’s it. If there are others, I must have blocked them out.
When I decided to stop pursuing acting, I took stable jobs I thought I would be good at & would like (I’ve had 4 thus far), but I would always be proved wrong. The position might be right, but the management might be wrong. In another role, it would be the reverse.
Which brings me to today. Or last week, rather, talking to my coach about the challenge I’m having trusting that I can make a living (a comfortable, unstressful, heck, I’ll say it – a lucrative living!) as a life coach. I can’t trust that it’s going to come together, even though I can practically see my progress up to this point as well as the opportunities that are in front of me. I hear the same things echoed in the voices of some of my clients, most of them sitting in “comfortable” careers that they can’t imagine they can break away from without starving to death as the artist or spiritual coach or transportation engineer they want to become.
After more questioning & clarifying, my coach said, “So, it sounds to me that you’ve never really been compensated for doing what you love. Do you see money as a payment for torture?” And while I knew it was a dramatic statement, I quickly, wholeheartedly, honestly, painfully answered, “YES!”
I’ve been out of college for 10 years now. In all that time, I got comfortably compensated (no side jobs, no worry about paying bills, etc) for doing what I loved doing for a total of 11 months. That’s 10.9% of the entire time I’ve been on my own. It’s my truth now: I only get compensated for – if not torture (& some of it was), then, at a minimum, discontent and indifference. That’s been 89.1% of my experience in a grown-up world.
As a coach, I love the safety net, & never encourage my clients to take a big leap if they’re not ready for the jump. Instead, we figure out ways to take tiny bitty baby steps until, days or weeks or months or years later, they’re standing on their two feet. I’m focusing now on taking itty bitty steps to build up my truth that, YES, not only can I make money doing something I love, but I will make money doing something that I love. Good money. Mortgage-paying money. It’s scary to start chipping away at this wall, but by not bulldozing it down all at once I can start building my trust back up. As uncomfortable as it is, I’m allowing myself to sit with this new truth when it arises, and not counter it with the vampire voice telling me not to become emotionally invested in this outcome. I’m hearing myself say, “I will be a financially successful coach” – both in my mind & out loud – and letting myself feel the emotions that come up with that. If I start the negative tape – both in my head & out loud – I notice it now, & I stop. The times that my mouth works faster than my brain, & I can’t stop myself, I now at least realize what I’m saying so I can stop myself the next time. I’m also allowing myself to visualize how my days will be when I’m a full-time coach, who I will meet & spend time with, how I’ll feel. I’m not kidding myself that it won’t be tough work, but I can actually see what I have to work towards & what the amazing payment – both financially & emotionally – will be like.
Are you saying, “Money is payment for torture” or “Money is payment for what I have to offer the world”?
Just think about that: Money is payment for what I have to offer the world.
What do you have to offer?
October 8th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Michelle, you are well on your way. You are fun, edgy, and have the real life experience that people can relate to. I totally appreciate your honesty about where you are in life and your career. I have no doubt about your success!
October 9th, 2009 at 3:15 am
Thanks, Erika! I really appreciate the kind words – they mean so much!
October 10th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
This article struck a chord with me when I first read it in your newsletter. Reading it again now I still get goose bumps! “Money is payment for what I have to offer the world.” What a powerful statement. Thanks Michelle!
October 12th, 2009 at 4:26 am
You're welcome, Jess! So glad that this resonated with you. Money does NOT have to be payment for torture!
October 13th, 2009 at 3:56 am
Michelle, You are such an encouraging person. I loved reading your story and have definately been motivated by it today. I want to be an interior designer, or at least I think I do. I went to school for that in 2005. I looked for a job in this field for awhile after school to no avail, but then took my son out of school for a year to homeschool him anyway, so I had an excuse to stop thinking about it and stop looking. I have done the same as you, where I have had jobs here and there in this field with little or no payment, but lots of thanks. I used to have a regular job at Boeing that I had for 15 years, but quit to do what I so called dreamed to do. Well I'm done homeschooling my son now and have a goal to start up my own interior design business in January. I think to myself all the time, should I do this, will I make it. Why would anybody want to hire me? I don't know if I'm qualified, and then I try to tell myself, yes I can do this and yes I can make money doing this. My husband sure seems to think so, he's much more optimistic than I am. I'm very thankful for that. Anyway, thank you for your story and for your upbeat, optimistic outlook and your encouragement to others.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:24 am
Melissa, your comment means so much! And if it makes you feel better, my husband is definitely more optimistic about me making coaching a full-time career without us going hungry. I ask him why he's not nervous about it, and he says, "Because you are. If you weren't nervous, then I'd be nervous." I married a smartie.
I LOVE your blog & can't wait to dive in, now that I actually have a home I can decorate (we're moving at the end of the month!). While I don't know about your interior design skills, it sounds like you have the passion & the support system for it – now it's about jumping off that ledge! No need to do it all at once, though – I'm all about keeping the safety net directly underneath you & removing it a little at a time until you realize, and are almost surprised by, the fact that you're standing on your own two feet.
You might want to answer the Tough (Question) Tuesday I just posted. It seems to be write up your alley!
Thanks again for your candor & your comment & your kindness, Melissa!
October 14th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Oh Michelle! You have just shared something that I think a lot of us struggle with – I know I do. I've heard over and over that if you do what you love with your whole heart, the money will follow. I think there's truth in that, but I also think it takes hard work!
And then there's the story about the person who prays to win the lottery, but never buys a ticket. You also have to have the "channels" for the money to come to you.
What's been key for me is building up my business skills in addition to my creative ones and changing my thinking about what's possible. Two books I can recommend are "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki and "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" by T. Harv Eker.
Even knowing you for just a short time, I get the sense that you are a person who jumps in with her whole heart and works hard. I am sure the money will follow.
October 14th, 2009 at 6:20 am
Y'know, I just could not get through "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" no matter how much it was highly recommended & how much I wanted to. And now I can't remember why. I think it was when I wasn't in Entrepreneur Mode & I thought it was "pointless" since I was employed by someone else. Maybe I'll give it another look-see now that I, uh, am in Entrepreneur Mode!
Thanks for the compliment – I do work my buttocks off & I do jump in wholeheartedly, which means I put up that much more of a wall so it doesn't hurt so much when (see! I put "when"! Not "if"! I'm a terrible coach) I fall. I'm slowly learning to chip that wall down & trust. It's super scary & it makes me more vulnerable than I usually like to be, but I think it's getting my head in the right place & mentally buying me that lottery ticket, so to say.
October 17th, 2009 at 9:11 am
I THOUGHT I saw you on "Good Morning America!!" (smile)
Seriously, though – I love the way you simplified this in a way that is digestible. Most people EXPECT to have to slave away for a buck. And the more bucks you want, the more slaving required. Selling your life's blood, drop by drop until there's nothing left, earning the right to retire & sit in a rocking chair watching television 'til you die. TGIFs abound.
When we change our mindset, we change our lives.
Getting paid to provide a service that is a natural outgrowth of our lives is a win-win situation.
You're awesome, Michelle!
October 17th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Thanks, Nicole!
I yearn for the day where I don't count down until the weekend. I think everyone deserves that.
You only live once!
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:30 am
Hi Michelle,
This is a great post, so true, original, and authentic. Love it! I just passed it on to a friend of mine who is starting her own business and might be feeling some of the same things you mentioned. In fact, her business of choice is life coaching
.
-Jess!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:11 am
Aw, thanks Jess! And your friend being a life coach must be cuh-razy!
Thanks for passing it along! Hope it helps her.
October 26th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Yeah Michelle!
This is a GREAT post. I really like how your positive attitude takes things over. With an attitude like that you will have no problem achieving all your successes in life.
It can be really hard starting out on your own. Its important to remember that there are always people in your life that you can (and should!) rely on.
Thanks again for sharing Michelle, and best of luck with your future endeavors!
Cheers
Jesse
October 26th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Thanks, Jesse! So glad you liked the post. Really appreciate the comment!