“How is this my life?”

Don't let the bastards wear you down

2009: Read It & Weep uploaded by YACHT, found via kind over matter

Chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you’re a creative type in one way or another. You might be an artist, a writer, a knitter, a dancer, a musician, a sculptor, an actor, a quilter, a painter or a singer. You might be a director, a filmmaker, a stage manager, a photographer, or a graphic designer. You might be a seamstress, a baker, a candlestick maker…OK, you get my point.

Chances are, you’ve had a day job. And while you know the benefits of having a day job (roof over your head, clothes on your back, shoes on your feet, food in your mouth), you might have also caught yourself (more than once?) muttering under your breath (or aloud?):

“How is this my life?”

This probably happened after you had a date with a photocopier for an hour, or after the table of 10 left without tipping, or after you gave an interview on Good Day NY as a life-size 1800-FLOWERS gift box (yes, I have done all of these things in my lifetime, and no, there are no existing photos of Michelle-as-Flower-Box) . Even though I knew why I was there – to have a flexible schedule, to go on auditions, to make $50/hr – I found myself getting caught up in the sadness & frustration of not doing what I want to be doing with my life. Sometimes, knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing isn’t the band-aid you’re looking for. What helped me, though, is when I would apply a mantra to that situation. Something I could use to distance myself from the suckiness, so I could keep on keeping on. So, what would I repeat to myself?

“I don’t care.”

While this mantra enabled me to bring my blood pressure back down, take deep breaths, & let go of the Superstar persona I’m so attached to, I was still waking up with a pit in my stomach & walking around all anxious and tense throughout the day. I realized the error of my ways recently when I spoke to my life coach (yes, life coaches have life coaches!) about it, and she suggested that, while “I don’t care” was partially getting me where I want to be (more personally removed from a bad work situation), it’s not empowering or positive in the least bit. So, how did I turn this mantra around?

Easy.

“I’m a coach.”

Now, when I’m at my day job (American banks aren’t very quick to give mortgages to life coaches these days – so I can’t leave yet!) & things go haywire & I feel that tension rising, I repeat to myself, “I’m a coach. I’m a coach. I’m a coach.” This subconsciously reminds me why I’m sitting at this desk from 9 in the morning to 6 at night. This keeps my values and goals in the forefront of my mind, and allows me to get through my day with a minimal amount of upsetness (I know that’s not a word, just stay with me) and stress and frustration. Yes, things still get to me, but I know that this is part of my own path.

So you, as an actor / quilter / dancer / filmmaker / guitarist / knitter, can replace the word “coach” with the passion that you’re pursuing. Does it make you want to kick some ass and take some names? Does it remind you as to why you’re on this path & where you’re going to end up? Is it positive? Is it empowering? If it does, have at it. If it doesn’t, maybe you’re slowly realizing that you’re just biding your time until you find a new path. With me, I hated waitressing enough to say, “It’s not worth being an actress if I have to wait tables”, and I discovered a less hated way to pay my rent. But when I found myself at my full-time customer service position a few years later, my last audition six months behind me, I knew I was kidding myself when I said, “I’m an actor.” It was time to find a new path.

So find your mantra, and listen to your answer. It might be, “I’m a sculptor.” It might be, “I’m finding my way.” But when you find it, use it. Live it. Be it.  Tattooing it backwards onto your forehead is optional.

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9 Responses to ““How is this my life?””

  1. Emma Says:

    I always found it useful to remember that my day job was a tool. I go there, I do a set group of things, I go home to my real life, and every two weeks I get a paycheck to cover my mortgage and other necessities. For a variety of reasons, some very good; some not, American culture is such that we often confuse what we do for a living with who we are. It's an important distinction to make, one that requires a fairly radical shift in perception. The good news is, it's incredibly gratifying.

  2. Shell Says:

    Great post. I can totally relate!

  3. admin Says:

    Emma – I totally agree with you that American culture places so, so much on the question on "So…what do you do?" And while I agree that my day job is a tool, it's still tough for me sometimes to just grin & bear it. My mantra totally helps me get through the trying times – more than counting the reasons why I'm still here (& plan to be for a while).

    Shell – Thanks for your comment & your compliment! Glad that it resonated with you.

  4. Thekla Richter Says:

    Thanks for the link! I loved reading here about how your mantra has been working :)

  5. admin Says:

    You're welcome, Thekla! Thank YOU for being a super-great coach.

  6. Hilary Says:

    Great post – such a wonderful reminder for me as I'm experiencing very similar feelings towards my day job as I make the transition to full-time coach. I'm going to give the affirmation 'I'm a coach' a whirl and see how I do!!

  7. admin Says:

    Thanks, Hilary! I checked out your site & can tell that you're a great coach, too. We'll both get through it & will land on top.

  8. Mandy Says:

    I guess I'm in the minority when I say that I really do like my day job… I just want more.

    I am one of those inherently greedy people that not only wants the corporate accolades but also wants to find time to develop and revel in my other passions. Unfortunately the corporate job usually wants to gobble up the artistic side for dinner and spit it out as the 9-5 become as 9-9 job. I think finding a balance and harmony between the two is what is most difficult yet important in my life.

  9. admin Says:

    It's great that you like your day job! Hallelujah & Amen! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    Have you read "The Renaissance Soul" yet, Mandy? I have honestly recommended it to almost every client I've worked with, & with the subtitle of "Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One", it seems to be right up your alley. It might help you with the time management, & figuring out how to use your free time to fuel your creative passions. Of course, if you feel like your free time is non-existent, then that might be another story….

    If you're interested, you can read my review on the book & get links to chapters & the like here: http://is.gd/1HXqD

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