Tough (Question) Tuesday: How do you tell the Scary Stuff to take a hike?
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When you start something new, it’s scary (Can you tell there’s a theme for this week? I’ll elaborate more tomorrow). There could be a lot of stress & fear & anxiety, even when the thing you’re doing is exciting & thrilling & perfect for you.
So……
How do you tell the Scary Stuff to take a hike?
I’d really love to hear your answers (I could use a lot of options for my own personal crapola I’m going through, too!), so please comment! All the cool kids are doing it (namely, me).
You can find all of the Tough (Question) Tuesday installments here.
Tags: Tough (Question) Tuesday
April 14th, 2009 at 5:20 am
This is so, so tough for me, since I know what I "tell" The Scary Stuff, but it doesn't necessarily seep in or flip the switch for me. For example, I know The Good Stuff that comes out of my day job, but acknowledging it doesn't make me want to skip there & hum a lil' diddy throughout the day.
To put it out on the table (& again, I'll elaborate tomorrow), I'm finishing up my life coaching classes this week & I'm freaking. It's my subconscious taking over & casting a shadow on the celebration & the excitement of being able to commit as much free time as I want to, uh, growing When I Grow Up. It keeps my stomach in knots all day & keeps my brain awake at night.
So, how do I tell The Scary Stuff to scamper, shoo, we're-not-buying-what-you're-selling? I think planning is a lot of it – I have so many ideas I want to implement that I need to get my marketing plan together & feel confident that I know what to focus on. I think scheduling is important, too – I've put aside 12 hours/wk for my coaching, but am being tough on myself that it's not enough (without even trying it yet!). I think that making the process enjoyable & fun is important, too, & not overextending myself. Trusting the process, trusting the slowness, enjoying the learning & the growing & the building…..I need to have fun & take care of myself. It's finding that balance & saying to The Scary Stuff:
"You don't scare me! I'm gonna rock this house! Hells, yeah!"
April 14th, 2009 at 7:09 am
For me pushing past the scary stuff got much better when I added accountability to my goal setting (I will try not make this a promo for my own blog, but this is the reason I started it, and got into coaching). Every Sunday night I meet with two friends on the phone and we set our goals for the upcoming week. On the following Sunday we meet again and discuss which goals we met and which ones we missed and why, then we set more goals for the following week. The best part is, because we all know that we have to meet with the group the following week and be accountable we rarely miss a goal (probably one in ten gets missed). I wouldn't have believed it before I tried it, but accountability has made a huge difference.
Each week I try to make sure that one of the goals I have set for myself relates to "scary stuff", usually around building my own coaching practice, and, because I know in a week I will have to discuss what happened I almost always get it done. This week my scary stuff goal is designing two business cards (seems simple enough but it is a big commitment step).
I have also started posting my weekly goals on my blog every Monday, and will update my successes every Sunday. Now I am accountable to two friends and the growing community around my blog. I am also encouraging anyone else who needs help with their goals, scary and simple, to post them in my comments section and review them every week so we can all help each other achieve the results we are after.
I would love to have you join me if you need some extra accountability and help through your scary stuff. My first goal post for this week is at http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com/monday-goal-set…. If interested just add your weekly goals in the comments.
I would also highly recommend finding someone you can share your weekly goals with and get them to help you accomplish them.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Michelle: First of all, I am going to create a billboard with this line: "So, how do I tell The Scary Stuff to scamper, shoo, we're-not-buying-what-you're-selling?" Yup, going on the inspiration board now and then I'll figure out the billboard details! I have a weird take on "scary stuff." I don't tell it to go away! I think this might have to do with my parents and how I saw them take risks all the time. If it's not scary, then I question if what I'm doing is really what I want to be doing. I think fear and scariness are critical components of being an entrepreneur and starting things from nothing and not knowing if it's going to be a success or if it may not be all that you thought it would be. If you're following a set course with a protocol in place (in particular, a protocol created by someone else), you're not the one responsible for that big leap and as a result have significantly less fear. When you're writing the protocol, you should be afraid — that's normal. Fear can be an incredible motivator — mostly in the beginning during the growing pains. Of course, fear can go from "normal" to "abnormal," but I don't think you're anywhere near "abnormal!" You can still enjoy the process and have fun — it's like a roller coaster at Disney — you're ready to take the big fall and you feel that fear in the pit of your stomach, but you're having the time of your life! Just changing your perspective of the situation (flipping the coin) can help you to look the fear in the eye and own it — not let it own you. It's your last sentence of your comment: “You don’t scare me! I’m gonna rock this house! Hells, yeah!”. That's healthy fear in action! You are in control and fear is along for the ride!
April 14th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Ha – I don't mind the plug, Jeremie! And I might take a raincheck. I finished up with one coach & am starting with another next week, so that always helps me focus (& be less scared). Accountability is such a great stepping stone & one that often gets overlooked, so thanks for bringing that into my view.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:08 am
And I'm gonna put this whole comment on a billboard! It'll have to be in small type though, so we'll have to put it in a place with a lot of foot traffic so drivers don't try to read it and have accidents.
Honestly, truly, wholeheartedly Carolyn – thanks for the comment. Even though I know this fear is "normal" it's nice to hear it from someone with a firm head on her shoulders (& someone that's done a ton of "scary" things & have come up on top!). I like the visual of me driving with fear in the backseat, maybe sleeping or playing I Spy. I'm taking him along for the ride and we're having fun. We're buddies. We're pals.
So instead of being fearful of the fear I'm going to be friendly towards it. Maybe invite it to a party or see if it wants to have a movie night. Get to know it, love it, and be a better person/coach/entrepreneur because of it. Isn't it cool when you take back the power?
Yes. Yes it is.
Thank the Lord that Luke married me despite my craziness. I'm tellin' ya.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Hey Michelle,
What is the outcome you want? That is, are you wanting to not feel fear or are you wanting to be able to act in spite of the fear? You might have more success with the latter. As you know, I am intimately familiar with fear, so this is coming from the perspective of someone who is trying to come up with the ultimate fear-slaying solution herself.
May I remind you of the great coaching you gave me around fear: what is the worst that could happen? And if the worst happens, how will you handle it? In my case, I found that making the fear very concrete, very specific, helped me realize that there was no substance to it (ie my imagination was running wild). For those fears that remain after I have made them specific I ask myself the following: how likely is it to occur? Can I handle it (even though it may not be fun or easy)? Knowing in advance that I can handle whatever comes my way makes it a lot easier to move forward.
And another thing I like to tell myself is that "I wish I weren't scared, but I am, so suck it up and get on with it. It will be easier next time." In other words, sometimes I don't fight the fear. I work around it.
BTW you know you get my vote for making it all as fun as possible. I do believe that fun is really important.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Yes! You are hilarious Michelle! Hilarious not Crazy! I'm so happy it helped — now I have to remember to say it to myself. Thank goodness for our boys and our blogs! Maybe I should push my wedding date up … definitely becoming crazier each day! I'm going to take my friend, Fear, and go work on some fun research!
April 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Joanne, there is a reason that you are my coaching mentor! You are a smart, smart lady & I aspire to be more like you at every session (which is most likely where that powerful question came from!).
I think I do need to have an imagining session (that sounds fun, right?!) or some story time to write, "Once upon a time, there was a life coach named Michelle. And she drove her business into the ground." Actually, as my mind starts racing ahead of my typing, I find myself laughing! Because that's ridiculous! And then what happens – I'm a bag lady who talks to herself and who spends most of her time drooling? Uh, no! I'm not scared of that – it's not going to happen.
Now I WANT to lay it all out, see the fear visually, and laugh at it. I might even point.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Nah, Ben will stick around – he is smitten, I can tell! I asked Luke just yesterday (for the 100,000,000 time), "Do you love me even though I'm crazy?" and he responded, "I love you BECAUSE you're crazy." Aw. He's a keeper.
Have fun hanging with Fear! Just don't buy him too much booze. He's a scary drunk.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I love the old saying, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." It really is the truth. That is what I tell myself when the "scary stuff" voice makes an appearance. When I was young (teen and early 20's) I feared change and I let it keep me from doing things I wanted to do. Somewhere along my life's journey, I learned that I was letting my fear of the unknown and of failure, keep me from living the life I wanted. No more sister! This is our life and it is up to us to make it what we want it to be. If you don't take that first step, you can't climb the mountain.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Y'know what's funny, Ann Marie, is that I realized that fear has never held me back. At least if it did, I can't remember. And I don't think it's going to hold me back this time, but I'm still scared of it. How crazy ridiculous is that! I see that now, and hopefully it will quell the anxiety and take me through this next chapter with some peace & a lot of fun!
April 14th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
So it sounds like your worst case scenario brings life coaching opportunities to the homeless, not necessarily a bad thing, think of all the people you could truly help after you are "ruined".
April 14th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
A bag lady coaching other bag ladies! I'd have such an "in" – no networking needed!
April 14th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
This is too funny! BECAUSE the opposite is going to happen! You're going to look back at these comments in a year and laugh
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