I’m hoping this is what my “After” portrait will look like. You can get your own Ms Bunny from A Planet Named Janet.

I had my 12th and last session with a client last night. Let’s call him “Stew.” Throughout our time together, I was fairly certain that “Stew” had discovered some new insights, claimed some new perspective, and felt that our sessions were productive and valuable. But I was tough on myself, since he didn’t finish that last session with great big steps behind him. Y’see, “Stew” was a big talker/thinker but very slow to act.

I voiced these concerns to him.  “I wish I wasn’t leaving you without a new acting class to act with, or a show to perform in, or a singing teacher to sing with…”

His response confirmed what I already knew:

“Michelle, I’m just not ready to go back into that world yet, as much as I know now that I need that outlet in my life to make me complete. I’m closer than I ever have been in taking that jump, but I’m not quite there. This whole 12 Sessions thing – that I’m supposed to be ‘complete’ in 12 sessions – is hogwash. I’m sure you’ll have clients that work with you for 20 sessions, take tiny little baby steps, and call you weeks or months or years later and say, ‘I’m in a play. Help!’ And you have those that can overcome their challenges in half the time. Just because my results aren’t tangible doesn’t mean that they’re not there.”

I exhaled, and breathed in a new lesson to learn. Yes, I know that everyone works at their own pace, but the coach in me wanted action. And there was action in this client over the last 12 weeks – just not my definition of “action.” Which led me to think about my UAC, this nonsense that busy = productive = successful. There are successes that can’t be seen or measured, and who is to say that a client who takes 5 big, huge, ginormous steps in 12 sessions (because I’ve seen that too) is more successful than the client that takes 2 baby steps in the same span of time? Not I. Chances are that the Big 5 Stepper is moving too quickly to listen to her own thoughts, her own needs – and some/all of the changes she made just might not stick.

Thinking of my selfish needs, I realize how adopting a new, slower pace will help me be more balanced, less overwhelmed, and – gulp! – might even get me closer to my goals. It will be tough for me to be the Tortoise when I’m used to being the Hare, but wherever I end up, I know that it’s right, because it’s my pacing.

I want to stop comparing myself to others. I want to stop pressuring myself to live up to my own idea of what success, or action, or completion is. I want to become more patient, less rushed, and enjoy the journey. It’s quite a challenge for this New York City girl, whose walking pace is only set on “speed.” But I’m ready to stop and smell the roses. Or the sidewalks. Oh hell, you know what I mean.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 18th, 2009 at 3:13 pm and is filed under Happy Hooplah. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.